266 THE COMPLETE SPORTSMAN 



folks doze off and the younger couples begin to 

 hold hands and giggle. Place a tired woman 

 at the third-hand piano, and let her give per- 

 verted renderings of works by famous com- 

 posers, interspersed with occasional ragtime 

 airs. Stir the audience gently with the ingre- 

 dients mentioned above, and keep stirring from 

 1 p.m. until 11 p.m. 



No. 3. — A Revue. 



Take the skeleton of a thin and tawdry plot. 

 Coat with presumably humorous dialogue, and 

 cover thickly over with amorous negroid ditties, 

 eccentric dances, and Music Hall " turns," until 

 the plot is entirely concealed. 



Collect a number of pretty girls; dress in the 

 latest Paris models, and mould into the shape 

 of a Beauty Chorus. Leaven with half a dozen 

 English and American Low Comedians, Add 

 one or two American Variety Actresses. Insert 

 their photographs in all the illustrated papers 

 for some months until they have become 

 thoroughly acclimatized. Provide each Low 

 Comedian with a separate performance that 

 has nothing whatever to do with the plot, and 

 is technically kno\ATi as a " stunt." Remove 

 any spice of humour from the original dialogue, 

 and replace with conventional jokes on the 



