RECIPES 271 



other. Let him add that it is curious to think 

 how greatly (or how little) times have changed, 

 how profoundly he agrees (or disagrees) with 

 whatever was said on that notable occasion, 

 and what a true (or false) prophet that eminent 

 Statesman has been proved. Smother all refer- 

 ences to the Eminent Statesman with Cheers, 

 Boos, Catcalls, Shouts of " Rotten !" etc., 

 and let ane of the Cranks inquire " What 

 did Mr. Gladstone say in 1874 ?" Add more 

 cries of " Votes for Women !" from Suffragettes 

 who are being forcibly expelled, more Appeals 

 for a Fair Hearing and more Patriotic Airs from 

 the Organ. 



Let the Distinguished Politician then state 

 that never in the annals of the world's history 

 has England been so prosperous (or in such a 

 parlous plight), never have her defences been in 

 such an admirable (or deplorable) condition, 

 never have our Imperial destinies been con- 

 trolled with greater vigour (or fatuity), never has 

 the future looked so bright (or so gloomy). Mix 

 a few metaphors in which the Government of 

 the day is compared to an ostrich ploughing the 

 sand, a lighthouse galloping at full steam along 

 the road to ruin, a sturdy oak flaming like a 

 fiery cross from one end of the country to the 

 other. Flavour with a few scathing personal 

 references impugning the honour and integrity 



