96 



GLEANINGS IN J3EE CULTUKE. 



Feb. 



den appearance of John's white face, which 

 came before me as a dream. I presume it 

 was the words that stunned me, for I could 

 hardly tell whether 1 really heard them, or 

 whether it was a freak of my imagination. 

 The words were something like this :— 



"O Mr. Koot! Albert has shot himself, 

 out in the house apiary." 



As soon as he said it he was gone again, 

 lie spoke so low that few heard him; and 

 as 1 passed through the hands in the pack- 

 ing-room, I almost envied their ignorance of 

 the great sorrow that lay upon us. One of 

 them was scolding pleasantly because so 

 many kept leaving the west door open. 

 Soon work whs slopped, and sad groups 

 were scattered through the apiary, and over 

 the factory. 



He had been well liked- by the hands, for, 

 indeed, it were a pretty hard matter to find 

 any thing against liim". Many had noticed 

 his gloomy spells, but the greater part of 

 them knew nothing of the insanity that hung 

 over him, unless it was the near friends or 

 his brothers. Now little incidents began to 

 come up, related by one and another, and 

 things about him we could not understand 

 before, now began to be explained. Was he 

 crazy V did he deliberate this act in his sane 

 moments ? we all began to inquire within 

 ourselves, if not out loud. 



When he commenced shii)ping goods last 

 summer I required him to bring all to me, to 

 inspect, before he did them up. Well, after 

 he got used to the business he thought this 

 unnecessary, and sometimes sent them off 

 without my inspection. At one time the 

 clerks began to complain that some one med- 

 dled with their goods, after they were in- 

 spected, ready to pack. I could hardly be- 

 lieve they were not mistaken, until some one 

 told me he saw Albert take a smoker from 

 another man's goods, and use it to till an or- 

 der of his own. I took him one side, and 

 asked him about it. He neither acknowl- 

 edged nor denied it. I became somewhat 

 vexed with him, and talked pretty severely. 

 This seemed to arouse him. 



" Mr. Koot, do you think I would do any 

 thing dishonest V " 



'' Why, no, Albert; I can not well call it 

 dishonesty, for there was no motive for it, 

 or no seliish one ; but will you please tell me 

 why you did take a smoker out of that box?" 



Now he spoke full and free. " Why, Mr. 

 Hoot, I can not tell why I did it. If they saw 

 me do it, I suppose I must have taken it; 

 but I have no recollection of ever having 

 done such a thing at all.'' 



He promised to be careful in the future, 

 and I let it pass ; but now it looks plain that 

 there were times when he did not know 

 what he was doing. JNlay it not have been 

 at such a time when he did this awful deed, 

 and that he was in no way responsible for it? 

 No letter was left ( for 1 had exacted from 

 him a promise to write no more, for it seem- 

 ed to me to hurt him to dwell on it and 

 AA^'ite letters), and it would seem that none 

 but God, who reads the human heart, will 

 ever know the secret of that hour. 



I have told my sad story, friends, and I 

 have told it as fairly as 1 know how ; and 

 the saddest part of it is, that it is true there 



is a phase of humanity, a disease, if you 

 choose, that attacks men and hurries them 

 on to deeds like tliese. I have studied in- 

 sanity quite a little, both among friends 

 whom 1 knew, and among the poor unfortu- 

 nates whom I have met in our Sunday 

 service at our county Infirmary. I confess 

 that few things in life have had such a 

 tendency to cast me down, and to almost 

 tempt me to doubt God's kind loving care, 

 as these cases of insanity and suicide. Sick- 

 ness and death do not appall me, because 

 the suffering one may hold on to God's great 

 promises, and rest even amid the most ex- 

 cruciating pains, trustingly in his arms. 



While envelopad in the sadness and gloom 

 of this event, all at once the idea occurred to 

 me, suppose Albert had died a natural death 

 of sickness, or by accident. My heart almost 

 bounded at the thought. Oh how gladly 

 would we have seen him die thus, in ])refer- 

 ence to such a death I And yet, why ? Proofs 

 of his occasional insanity were many and 

 satisfying; why, then, should we repine, 

 and indulge in useless regrets that we did 

 not do something more for him ? 



Again : The Bible says, " Come unto me, 

 all ye that are weary and heavy laden." 

 Does this ap])ly only to sane people V Are 

 the comforts and sustaining powers of 

 religion for the diseased in body, and not 

 for those diseased in mind V Our departed 

 friend Avas a professor of religion ; he pray- 

 ed God to help him in his great trouble, as I 

 have told you ; and he rose up and spoke in 

 our young people's priiyer-meeting, only a 

 little more than a AA^eek before his death. 

 How can it be V and why did God, in his 

 Avise providence, allow such a thing to hap- 

 pen y or, why should such things as suicides 

 be knoAvn in this world of ours ? 



I am pretty sure there are some among my 

 readers who will feel like reproving me for 

 having Avrittenthe above— Avho Avill say that 

 it is wrong and wicked to even question 

 God's loving-kindness for a single moment. 

 I agree with you it is wicked, and I soon 

 knew it was Avrong for me to let such 

 thoughts force themselves upon my mind. 

 I prayed for light, and I am glad to say 

 that light did come. It came in the line of 

 our opening text. Though he slay me, yet 

 Avill I trust in him. Do you know Avho said 

 that? As 1 thought of it, I began to see 

 more clearly why the book that contains it 

 was put in the IJible. It may be that it is 

 only after having lived half a lifetime that 

 Ave can feel the need of such a text, and 

 thank God he put it there. Did it ever 

 occur to you that the human mind is a won- 

 derful piece of mechanism V The human 

 will, too ; who can understand or fathom it V 

 The following may be helpful to somebody : 



After the simple funeral services at the 

 factory, John and his younger brother, Eob- 

 ert, took the body and Avent back to their 

 northern home, Avhile Ave took up the daily 

 round of business once more. Some way [ 

 could not get to Avork as I usually do. Few 

 things in life disturb me very much or very 

 long AA'hile my trustis in God ; but this event 

 affected me differently from any other in all 

 my experience. Every time I sat down to 

 work, sooner or later the events of that day 



