1883 



GLEAI^IKGS m BEE CULTURE. 



97 



would come up and stand before me. When 

 I ought to be reading your kind letters, my 

 thoughts would be drawn away ; and, before 

 1 knew it. would be going over the details 

 again. He was last seen by Jacob, opening 

 some of the bee-hives, apparently looking to 

 see how the bees wintered. Another saw 

 him open the door and go into tlie honey- 

 house. Tiien I tried to follow his thoughts. 

 I tried to pry into the secrets God had so ef- 

 fectually cut off from us by that great solid 

 wall of death. Instinct tells us many tilings 

 that we should not know otherwise ; and 

 now, what does instinct, if that be the vvord, 

 tell us of death V ^ly powers of thought are 

 now well matured. If ever I shall be capa- 

 ble of giving a wise opinion, if that be the 

 word, of life, and its termination, death, now 

 is the lime I should be able to do it. The 

 subject began to liave a wonderful fascina- 

 tion. I hty awake nights to look on and 

 wonder at the new phenomenon that begun 

 presenting itself. You know liow I am giv- 

 en to hobbies, and to following one subject 

 intensely until every single fact and feature 

 is scanned. In a week 1 began to suffer. I 

 knew it, and yet it began to seem as if I 

 couldn't get away from it. I knew, too, that 

 it was taking me away from God ; and old 

 experiences of battlins with temptation be- 

 came painfully familiar. I prayed ; but 

 even the act of praying about the matter 

 brought it freslily to mind, and harmed me. 

 Was it possible that J, who had lifted others 

 and exhorted them to be strong in the Lord, 

 was going to be found a poor weak mortal 

 whom .Satan could get before, so that he 

 could not even pray V Was there a possible 

 chance that I should go crazy too ? Indeed, 

 I am not sure that any one is proof against 

 some of the phases of insanity, if he will let 

 his mind run and dwell constantly on one 

 theme. I made up my mind that I could 

 and would stop thinking of any thing that 

 had the most remote bearing on the subject, 

 and I did ; and then I thanked God that he 

 had implanted in my nature the power of 

 fleeing from evil. A good lesson comes in 

 here. It is almost folly for any one to pray 

 to God for deliverance while he continues to 

 dally with sin. God helps tliose who are 

 trying to help themselves. !Nay, more ; he 

 has no pleasure in a half-hearted service. 

 There may be circumstances where no other 

 way than prayer is left open to us; but he 

 who prays should look to it well, that no 

 faint trace anywhere lurks in the heart, of 

 any thing like a disposition to look on the sin 

 he has renounced ; no wanting to so much 

 as even turn the head to look back ; but keep 

 your eye on (iod. and your faith, '' though 

 he slay me, yet will I trust in him." 



Another little incident : Last September, 

 when the boys went olT to school, to save 

 railroad fares, and also to keep their trunks 

 from being smashed, as ICrnest expressed it, 

 Jacob carried them ail overland, with our 

 faithful old Jack and the one-horse wagon. 

 01¥ they started in high glee, followed by 

 prayers and blessings. On that sad night, 

 after busy hurryings to and fro, I happened 

 to come from town rather late in the even- 

 ing, and in doing so I passed a horse and 

 wagon in the darkness. I turned and looked 



back. It was the self-same old wagon, and 

 Ernest was driving. The wagon contained 

 the corpse of his dead schoolmate and friend. 

 It was the saddest event of his young life. 

 While my mind was brooding over it in the 

 days I have mentioned, I often thought of 

 him, and wondered if he, so young, bore up 

 under it better than I did, with my addition- 

 al 2-J. years of age and experience. How 

 short a time it seems since he was a toddling 

 little chap with curly white hair ! I remem- 

 ber that I wanted him to learn to walk, one 

 day, but he didn't like to be hurried. He 

 inherited from his mother some sturdy old 

 English ways, and, unlike my enthusiastic 

 Yankee way of wanting to hurry every thing 

 along, he proposed to get a good ready, and 

 plenty of strength, so that he might walk 

 when the proper time came, and do it up 

 right. Knowing him well, I employed a lit- 

 tle strategy, to see if it was only because 

 he lacked conOdence, that he would not 

 stand alone. I held a pictorial newspaper 

 up before him, and got him to take it in his 

 hands. When he was so absorbed in it that he 

 forgot, I took my hands away from him, and 

 left him standing alone, looking at the pa- 

 per. I well remember how I laughed and 

 shouted at the success of my experiment, 

 and how he sat down when he looked around 

 and saw. I was not holding him. All along 

 through these years we have been friends 

 and companions, and it seemed on that sad 

 night, as we talked the matter over, that he 

 seemed more a friend, and nearer to me, 

 than ever before. The drill of the college, 

 and the companionship of good strong ear- 

 nest men had been molding him to grapple 

 with the stern, hard realities of life, and he 

 seemed even in this matter to be steady and 

 cool. 



Well, in a few days a letter came. His 

 experience had been almost exactly like 

 mine. He had even given up one of his 

 studies; and failing even then, he had gone 

 to one of the strong old professors, and laid 

 the case before him. He was told that, un- 

 less he took his mind right off from the mat- 

 ter, by force of will, it would not only be the 

 ruin of his education, but the ruin of him- 

 self as well. He did it, and came out re- 

 joicing, and praising God, as I had done. 

 Am 1 wrong in thinking there is something 

 in suicides, at least many of them, that can 

 be guarded against by sheer force of will? 

 Christians and humanitarians are now mak- 

 ing it a study to tind out how best to save 

 valuable life from evils of whatever sort. 

 A71iat shall we do about the matter of sui- 

 cides? At least half a dozen have occurred 

 among those with whom I am personally 

 acquainted, within my recollection. Is it a 

 disease of the body, or disease of the mindV 

 or are they so intimately connected that it is 

 hard deciphering which';' It has been said, 

 that when one once undertakes such a thing, 

 he never gives it up until, sooner or later, it 

 is accomplished. I am glad to be able to 

 say, such is not always the case. I recall to 

 mind one friend who had got to such a stage 

 of the disease that he woiud hunt the news- 

 papers to tind reports of suicides, and ar- 

 gued that one might commit the act, and 

 stm be a Christian and be saved. I'rom 



