194 '^he Duchess of Newcastle 



honour, so that I knew not how to behave myself. 

 Besides, I had heard that the world was apt to lay 

 aspersions even on the innocent, for which I durst 

 neither look up with my eyes, nor speak, nor be any 

 way sociable, insomuch as I was thought a natural 

 fool; indeed I had not much wit. Yet I was not an 

 idiot, my wit was according to my years ; and though 

 I might have learnt more wit, and advanced my 

 understanding by living in a court, yet being dull, 

 fearfuU, and bashfull, I neither heeded what was 

 said or practiced, but just what belonged to my loyal 

 duty, and my own honest reputation; and indeed, I 

 was so afraid to dishonour my friends and family 

 by my indiscreet actions, that I rather chose to be 

 accounted a fool, then to be thought rude or wanton. 

 In truth, my bashfulness and fears made me repent 

 my going from home to see the world abroad, and 

 much I did desire to return to my mother again, or 

 to my sister Pye, with whom I often lived when she 

 was in London, and loved with a supernatural affec- 

 tion: but my mother advised me there to stay, 

 although I put her to more charges than if she had 

 kept me at home, and the more, by reason she and 

 my brothers were sequestered from their estates, and 

 plundered of all their goods. Yet she maintained me 

 so, that I was in a condition rather to lend then to 

 borrow, which courtiers usually are not, being always 

 necessitated by reason of great expences courts put 

 them to. But my mother said, it would be a disgrace 

 for me to return out of the court so soon after I was 

 placed; so I continued almost two years, until such 

 time as I was married from thence ; for My Lord the 

 Marquis of Newcastle did approve of those bashful 

 fears which many condemned, and would choose 

 such a wife as he might bring to his own humours, 



