Memoirs 



21 I 



and truly I am so vain, as to be so self-conceited, or 

 so naturally partial, to think my friends have as 

 much reason to love me as another, since none can 

 love more sincerely than I, and it were an injustice 

 to prefer a fainter affection, or to esteem the body 

 more than the minde. Likewise I am neither spitefull, 

 envious, nor mahcious ; I repine not at the gifts that 

 Nature, or Fortune bestows upon others, yet I am a 

 great emulator; for though I wish none worse than 

 they are, yet it is lawful for me to wish my self the 

 best, and to do my honest endeavour thereunto; for 

 I think it no crime to wish myself the exactest of 

 Nature's works, my thred of Hfe the longest, my chain 

 of destinie the strongest, my mind the peaceablest; 

 my Hfe the pleasantest, my death the easiest, and the 

 greatest saint in Heaven. Also to do my endeavour, so 

 far as honour and honesty doth allow of, to be the 

 highest on Fortune's wheele, and to hold the wheele, 

 from turning if I can; and if it be commendable to 

 wish another's good, it were a sin not to wish my own ; 

 for as envie is a vice, so emulation is a virtue, but 

 emulation is in the way to ambition, or indeed it is a 

 noble ambition. But I fear my ambition inclines to 

 vain-glory, for I am very ambitious; yet 'tis neither 

 for beauty, wit, titles, wealth, or power, but as they 

 are steps to raise me to fame's tower, which is to live 

 by remembrance on after- ages. Likewise I am, that 

 the vulgar calls, proud, not out of self-conceit, or to 

 slight or condemn any, but scorning to do a base or 

 mean act, and disdaining rude or unworthy persons; 

 insomuch, that if I should find any that were rude 

 or too bold, I should be apt to be so passionate, as to 

 affront them, if I can; unless discretion should get 

 betwixt my passion and their boldness, which some- 

 times perchance it might, if discretion should croud 



