'thEj;;;story of uy heart' 197 



of beauty, these — these : give me these in greater abun- 

 dance than was ever known to man or woman. The 

 strength of Hercules, the fulness of the senses, the rich- 

 ness of life, would not in the least impair my desire of 

 soul-life. On the reverse, with every stronger beat of 

 the pulse my desire of soul-life would expand. So it has 

 ever been with me ; in hard exercise, in sensuous pleasure, 

 in the embrace of the sunlight, even in the drinking of a 

 glass of wine, my heart has been lifted the higher towards 

 perfection of soul. Fulness of physical life causes a 

 deeper desire of soul-life. 



' Let me be physically perfect, in shape, vigour, and 

 movement. My frame, naturally slender, will not re- 

 spond to labour, and increase in proportion to effort, nor 

 will exposure harden a delicate skin. It disappoints me 

 so far, but my spirit rises with the effort, and my thought 

 opens. This is the only profit of frost, the pleasure 

 of winter, to conquer cold, and to feel braced and 

 strengthened by that whose province it is to wither 

 and destroy, making of cold, life's enemy, life's renewer. 

 The black north wind hardens the resolution as steel 

 is tempered in ice- water. It is a sensual joy, as sensuous 

 as the warm embrace of the sunlight, but fulness of 

 physical life ever brings to me a more eager desire of 

 soul-life. 



' Splendid it is to feel the boat rise to the roller, or 

 forced through by the sail to shear the foam aside like 

 a share ; splendid to undulate as the chest lies on the 

 wave, swimming, the brimming ocean round : then I 

 know and feel its deep strong tide, its immense fulness, 

 and the sun glowing over ; splendid to climb the steep 

 green hill : in these I feel myself, I drink the exquisite 

 joy of the senses, and my soul lifts itself with them. It 

 is beautiful even to watch a fine horse gallop, the long 

 stride, the rush of the wind as he passes — my heart beats 

 quicker to the thud of the hoofs, and I feel his strength. 

 Gladly would I have the strength of the Tartar stallion 

 roaming the wild steppe ; that very strength, what 



