AUGUST, 1892. 



XII. HELTERTON AND THE " BARGEE." 



HELTERTON always was a fine boy, and there can be 

 no manner of doubt about it, is so still his parents 

 said he was a fine boy when he was first ushered 

 into this wicked but jolly world the family pillroller and 

 physicker concurred in this poean of his wondrously sized 

 limbs and the clocklike regularity and bellowslike force and 

 vigour of his respiratory organs likewise the monthly lady, so 

 retiring and quiet of tongue, who is privileged to upset a house- 

 hold for four weeks at certain well-defined periods of our 

 domestic life ; the garthman, too, said he was a " rum un " to 

 look at but still he was a fine boy ; and the dairy maid said he 

 was a little duck, which properly translated also meant he was 

 a fine boy. With such an unanimous chorus of eulogy and 

 commendation, whilst still an infant, from so disinterested 

 and capable a source, is it likely is it probable that Helterton 

 would belie his early promise of growing up a fine boy ? Mr. 

 Hopper takes upon himself on behalf of struggling humanity 

 to reply that it was not likely, and Mr. Hopper's assertion 

 that Helterton is still a fine boy has lately at Trent side been 

 verified and attested (these are two real good words), in the 

 most complete and satisfactory manner. 



Scene : Fledborough Dyke end ; boat containing Helterton, 

 Mr. Hopper, and an old lady, slowly and laboriously making 

 its way up the river ; sloop anchored near bank, with jovial 

 bargee on board ready for any amount of chaff. After the 

 compliments of the day had been passed (and the day was far 

 spent) and the usual Trent side courtesies exchanged, bargee 

 addressing Helterton, says, " I wish I could blow out a pair of 

 cheeks like yourn, Maister." Helterton smole a grim smile of 

 rebuke and reproval, but bargee would have his say out, and 

 accordingly proceeds : " He's a fine boy, anyhow." Mr. 

 Hopper remarks that the boy is only 16, and suggests that the 

 old lady in the boat and Mr. Hopper are proud of so fine a son. 



