82 THE SOUTH COUNTRY 



of the extremity of my happiness came my worst grief. 

 I fell in love. I fell in love with one of my cousins, a 

 girl of seventeen. She never professed to return my love, 

 but she was a most true friend, and for a time I was 

 intoxicated with the delight; I now envy even the brief 

 moment of pain and misery that I had in those days. 



" She was clever and understanding so that I was always 

 at my best with her, and yet, too, she was as sweet as a 

 child and strange as an animal. The few moments of 

 pain were when I saw her with the other girls. When 

 they were together, running on the sands or talking or 

 dancing they seemed all to be one, like the wind; and 

 sometimes I thought that like the wind they had no heart 

 amongst them — except mine that raced with the runners 

 and sighed among the laughers. It was lovely to see her 

 with animals! with cows or horses, her implicit mother- 

 hood going out to them in an animal kindness, a bluff 

 tenderness without thought. At times I looked carefully 

 and solemnly into her eyes until I was lost in a curious 

 pleasure like that of walking in a shadowy, still, cold 

 place, a cathedral or wintry grove — she had the largest 

 of dark grey eyes; and she did not turn away or smile, 

 but looked fearlessly forward, careless and unashamed 

 like a deep pool in a wood unused to wayfarers. Then 

 she seemed so much a child, and I longed for the days 

 (which I had never really had) when I could have been 

 as careless and bold and free as she was. No, I could 

 never teach those eyes and lips the ways of love : that 

 was for some boy to do. And I thought I will be con- 

 tent to love her and to have her friendliness. I was old 

 for my years, and my life without the influence of women 



