114g STATISTICS OF GARDENING. Part IV. 



man advancement, without a good address. We recommend the perusal of what Lord Chesterfield 

 has written on the subject, guarding against those slips of the pen where he seems to recommend im- 

 purity and deception. If these suit the character of a modern ambassador, they are practices which a poor 

 man cannot afford to deal in. v 



7765 The foundation of all true politeness is a desire to please others ; though some mistake it for a dis- 

 play of their own acquirements; and others, a cringing acquiescence to the opinions of others. The two 

 last errors are to be avoided, the first as immediately, and the second in a short time, incurring contempt. 

 To be polite with permanent advantage it is necessary to be sincere ; and any degree of vanity, pride or 

 arrogance, is certain of proving offensive. To please others, one of the first things requisite, is to be 

 or appear to be, pleased ourselves. A man may show his pleasure or displeasure, by his action, by his 

 speech, and by his features. An easy, graceful, and yet manly action, is to be attained by the practice of 

 dancing and the manual exercise ; a gracious and polite manner of speaking by much reading, and by 

 attending to the language of ladies and gentlemen, frequenters of polished society ; and the features of 

 the face may be set to satisfaction, discontent, anger, or ill temper, according as either of these states of 

 mind are adopted. If the muscles of his face are put in training by a gardener at the commencement of 

 his apprenticeship, almost anything may be done with them, as may be proved by the case of comedians. 

 A gardener's object should be less the power of varying them, than of giving them a set expressive of 

 animation joined to a degree of satisfaction : this medium or central disposition he can occasionally alter 

 to that of pleasure on the one hand, or disapprobation on the other, as circumstances may require. 



7766. An essential part of politeness is agreeable conversation, and taking part in the current amuse- 

 ments of the time and place. The art of conversation, like all other arts, is only to be acquired by reflec- 

 tion and experience. The first thing is to store, the mind with ideas on every subject by reading, and es- 

 pecially with anecdote, history and biography; the next thing is to adapt our conversation to the society 

 in which we happen to be; and the last requisite is to endeavor to discover the precise part and quan- 

 tum of conversation which we ought to supply. 



7767. The art of conversation is as little understood by the great bulk of mankind as the art of chemistry : 

 and the consequence is, that in ordinary society it consists in tiresome relations, as to the party or their 

 affairs ; attempts to obtain victory in argument, to display knowledge or acquirements ; or something 

 which may give superiority over the others present; or of criticisms on the absent; the source of all 

 which is unrefined selfishness. Polite conversation is a totally different thing from disquisition ; or mere 

 talking about any one thing, whether relating to ourselves or others. In disquisition, the object is to ascer- 

 tain truth ; in conversation, to pass the time in an interesting and agreeable manner. The object of every 

 one who takes part in a polite conversation ought to be to please ; whatever cannot be said on any subject 

 entered on, without giving offence to some one present, or to truth or decency, ought to be avoided. 

 By common consent, the party will pay due respect to the master of the house, as to the president of the 

 assembly ; and though all will contribute their share, those rich in talent and experience will naturally 

 contribute the most. 



7768. Every master of a family ought to instruct the members of it in the art of conversation, and 

 to advise them more especially to avoid all subjects that lead to argument and discussion. These are of 

 little service to truth or instruction ; because men are seldom convinced by arguments carried on in 

 society. No man is willing to be publicly convinced of anything, and especially if he who has the better 

 side of the argument happens to be younger or of an inferior rank. Men may be willing to be instructed, 

 who would not submit to be convinced; and some will consent to receive information, who would feel 

 hurt at the idea of instruction. Elderly persons, however, and such as are of acknowledged experience 

 and acquirements, may both instruct and inform : but even these must be cautious as to the manner in 

 which they correct, or contradict, or criticise; lest, as is often the case, they appear more eager to dis- 

 play their own superiority, than to improve and oblige the party addressed. The love of self is liable 

 at every moment to break in upon and spoil everything ; and therefore the grand object is to keep that 

 feeling continually under restraint by keeping alive the idea, that the object of all conversation is to 

 please. Three or four young gardeners, all eager for improvement, might practise conversation on this 

 principle, by assembling occasionally, and either conversing as equate, or for the sake of variety and im- 

 provement, assuming characters. Two, for example, may take the part of the parents of a family ; one 

 or two as strangers on a visit to them, and the rest as children, and so on. The party might first produce 

 that sort of family wrangling and snarling, which commonly occurs at fire-sides, as the conversation to 

 be avoided ; and next, a conversation as it ought to be, or as each gardener would desire to have it in 

 his own family. 



7769. Whist, chess, 8;c. For the purpose of being able to join in the amusements of society, we have 

 already recommended the study of whist, chess, &c. These are essential- personal accomplishments of 

 every man who would find his way in society in England, where conversation is not nearly so well under- 

 stood as on the continent, and therefore less relied on for passing the time agreeably. 



7770. Elevation of manners. There are two things in conduct which the gardener ought most particu- 

 larly to avoid, familiarity and cupidity. When these qualities discover themselves either in manner or 

 conversation, they are a certain mark of low birth and breeding. A low, ignorant man, if he receives 

 the slightest civilities from a superior, immediately conceives the latter has a particular friendship for 

 him ; and soon endeavors to turn this friendship to advantage, by asking to borrow money to forward 

 himself in business, or requesting a place under government, or a pension. If a gentleman, or indeed any 

 man, notices a low familiar woman, the latter immediately concludes he is in love with her; if she has 

 daughters, he has come to marry one of them ; and at all events, he is a particular friend to be boasted 

 of and relied on in time of need, who will certainly advance the family in some way or other. Such is 

 the self-love and ignorance of mankind betrayed by the vulgar ; for familiarity proceeds from that sort of 

 gross selfishness that puts no restraint on wishes that it does not consider grossly criminal ; and indulges 

 in the most absurd hopes, merely because, if realised, they would tend to their profit. 



7771. A well informed and polite man is not familiar with anyone, because he knows that if he were 

 to lay bare everything respecting himself he would lessen respect ; and he does not show an impertinent 

 curiosity after the circumstances of others, because it might hurt their feelings to expose them. Cupidity 

 is out of the question with him, because he knows mankind too well, to suppose they will give him a 

 valuable thing merely because he asks it ; but even if there was a chance of getting it in this way, still he 

 would not ask, because he might be asked for something still more valuable in return. In this way po- 

 liteness becomes highly useful as a check upon gross selfishness ; and by serving to keep up a mutual re- 

 spect between man and man, it restrains the offensive passions, ameliorates the temper, and promotes 

 social enjoyment. A man of sense and experience will not be very familiar with his most intimate friend. 

 Respect is always lessened in proportion as familiarity takes place ; and without respect there is nothing 

 to hinder individuals, even the most intimately connected by ties of blood, affection, or interest, from 

 proving very offensive to each other. Where a weaker and stronger party, as man and wife, parents and 

 children, masters and servants, cease to act in such a way as to maintain a mutual respect, the stronger 

 party is obliged to have recourse to the principle of fear, becomes of necessity a domestic tyrant, and is 

 obeyed and hated, instead of being obeyed and respected. What is it that makes a man hate his wife's 

 faults more than those of any other woman ? first, he knows them better : secondly, he knows he must 

 put up with them : thirdly, he knows that she knows his faults, and hates them more than she does the 

 faults of any other man. All this arises from familiarity. 



7772. The want of mutual respect is the cause of many evils among the lower classes ; it is the origin 

 of almost all family quarrels, and of most of those between individuals ; the cause, familiarity, ought 

 therefore to be avoided, by all who would be respected ; and a salutary restraint placed on all their feelings, 



