410 MY LIFE [Chap. 



the letter to my sister and mother, they thought the young 

 lady was favourably disposed, and that I had better go on 

 as before, and make another offer later on. Another year 

 passed, and thinking I saw signs of a change in her feelings 

 towards me, but fearing another refusal, I wrote to her father, 

 stating the whole circumstances, and asking him to ascertain 

 his daughter's wishes, and, if she was now favourable, to grant 

 me a private interview. In reply I was asked to call on 



Mr. L , who inquired as to my means, etc., told me that 



his daughter had a small income of her own, and asked that I 

 should settle an equal amount on her. This was satisfactorily 

 arranged, and at a subsequent meeting we were engaged. 



Everything went on smoothly for some months. We met 

 two or three times a week, and after delays, owing to Miss 



L 's ill-health and other causes, the wedding day was fixed 



and all details arranged. I had brought her to visit my 

 mother and sister, and I was quite unaware of any cause of 

 doubt or uncertainty when one day, on making my usual call, 



I was informed by the servant that Miss L was not at 



home, that she had gone away that morning, and would write. 

 I came home completely staggered, and the next morning 



had a letter from Mr. L , saying that his daughter wished 



to break off the engagement and would write to me shortly. 

 The blow was very severe, and I have never in my life 

 experienced such intensely painful emotion. 



When the letter came I was hardly more enlightened. 

 The alleged cause was that I was silent as to myself and 

 family, that I seemed to have something to conceal, and that 

 I had told her nothing about a widow lady, a friend of my 

 mother's, that I had almost been engaged to. All this was 

 to me the wildest delusion. The lady was the widow of an 

 Indian officer, very pleasant and good-natured, and very 

 gossipy, but as utterly remote in my mind from all ideas of 

 marriage as would have been an aunt or a grandmother. As 

 to concealment, it was the furthest thing possible from my 

 thoughts ; but it never occurs to me at any time to talk about 

 myself, even my own children say that they know nothing 

 about my early life ; but if any one asks me and wishes to 



