10 HUXLEY 



which, for the ^50 worth of gold therein, he sold 

 eleven years after, to assist a brother's widow ; he was 

 deluged with invitations to dinners and soirees while 

 not earning enough to pay his cab-fare. He kept 

 fragile body and self-reliant soul together by writing, 

 lecturing, and translating. Toronto, Aberdeen, Cork, 

 King's College, each in turn rejected him as he sought 

 a professorship of natural history, and he had thoughts 

 of trying his luck as a doctor in Australia, if only to 

 be near his sweetheart. Domestic cares, his mother's 

 death, and his father's serious illness, added to the 

 gloom of these five dreary years. But though his 

 circumstances ran low, his ideals soared high. In the 

 letter of 1850 to his sister he says : — 



I don't know and I don't care whether I shall ever 

 be what is called a great man. I will leave my mark 

 somewhere, and it shall be clear and distinct — 



T. H. H. his mark — 



and free from the abominable blur of cant, humbug, 

 and self-seeking which surrounds everything in this 

 present world — that is to say, supposing that I am not 

 already unconsciously tainted myself, a result of which 

 I have a morbid dread. 1 



At the end of 1853 tne Admiralty commanded him 

 to join the ship Illustrious ; he refused, and paid the 

 penalty in being struck off the Navy List. But, as 

 he cheerily said, " there is always a Cape Horn in 



1 1. 63. 



