S5 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER 



AiGrsTi.isas. 



MISCELLANEOUS, 



PUTTING A BOY TO SCHOOL. 



The following sketch, drawn as il is lo tiie life, we coin- 

 menil to our reailt-rs for its dry and snl.cr liuiiior. 



Mr Squcers was standing in a box by one of the 

 coffee-room fire-places, fitted with one such table 

 aa is usually seen in coffee-rooms, and two of ex- 

 traordinary shai)Os and dimensions made to suit the 

 angles of the partition. In a corner of the seat 

 was a very small deal trunk, tied round with a 

 scanty piece of cord ; and on the trunk was perched 

 — his lace-up half-boots and corduroy trowsers 

 dangling in the air — a diminuitive boy, with his 

 shoulders drawn up to his cars, and his hands plant- 

 ed on his knees, who glanced timidly at the school- 

 master from time to time with evident dread and 

 apprehension. 



' Half past three,' muttered Mr Squeers, turning 

 from the window, and looking sulkily at the coffee- 

 room clock. 'There will be nobody Iiere to-day.' 

 Here the little boy on tlic top of the trunk gave 

 a violent sneeze. 



' Halloo, sir !' grov/led the school-master, turning 

 rounfl. ' What's that, Sir ?' 



' Nothing, please Sir,' replied the little boy. 

 'Nothing, Sir I' replied Mr Squeers. 

 ' Please Sir, I sneezed,' rejoined the boy, trem- 

 bling till the little trunk shook under him. 



' Oh ! sneezed, did you ?' retorted Mr Squeers. 

 'Then wliat did you say ' nothing, for, Sir .'' 



In default of a better answertothis question, the 

 little boy screwed a couple of knuckles into each 

 of hie eyes and began to cry, wherefore, Mr Squeers 

 knocked him off the trunk with a blow on one side 

 of his face, and knocked him on again with a blow 

 on the other. 



'Wait till I get you down into Yorkshire, my 

 young gentleman,' said Mr Squeers, 'and then I'll 

 give you tlie rest. ' Will you hold that noise. Sir ? 

 'Ye — ye — yes,' sobbed the little boy, rubbing 

 his face very hard with the Beggar's Petition in 

 printed calico. 



'Then do so at once, Sir,' said Squeers. 'Do 

 you hear.'' 



' Mr Squeer.s,' said the waiter, looking in at this 

 juncture ; ' here's a gentleman asking for you at 

 the bar.' 



' Show the gentleman in, Richard,' replied Mr 

 Squeers, in a soft voice. ' Put your handkerchief in 

 your i)ocket, you little scoundrel, or I'll murder you 

 when the gentleman goes.' 



Tht schoolmaster had scarcely uttered these 

 words in a fierce whisper, when the stranger en- 

 tered. Affecting not to see him, Mr Squeers 

 feigned to be intent upon mending a pen, and of- 

 fering benevolent advice to his youthful pupil. 



< My dear child,' said Mr Squcers, ' all people 

 have their trials. Tliis early trial of yours that is 

 fit to make your little heart burst, and your very 

 eyes come out of your head with crying, what is it ? 

 Nothing; less than nothing. You are leaving your 

 friends, but you will have a father in me, my dear, 

 and a mother in Mrs Squeors. At the delightful 

 village of Dothcboys, near Greta Bridge, in Y'ork- 

 shire, where youth are boarded, clothed, booked, 

 washed, furnished with pocket-money, provided 



with all necessaries ' 



' Iti»the gentleman,' observed the stranger, stop- 

 ping the schoolmaster in the rehearsal of his adver- 

 tisement. 'Mr Squeers, I believe. Sir r' 



'The same. Sir,' said Mr Squeers, with an as- 

 sumption of extreme surprise. 



' I am in the oil and color way. My name is 

 Snawley, Sir,' said the stranger. 



Squeers inclined his head as intich as to say, 

 'And a remarkable pretty name, too.' 



The stranger continued. ' I have been thinking, 

 Mr Squeers, of placing my two boys at your 

 school.' 



' It is not for me to say so. Sir,' replied Mr 

 Squeers, 'but Idon't think you could possibly do a 

 better thing.' 



'Hem!' said the other. 'Twenty pounds per 

 annewum, I believe, Mr Squeers ?' 



' Guineas,' rejoined the schoolmaster, with a per- 

 suasive smile. 



' Pounds for two, I think, Mr Squeers,' said Mr 

 Snawley solemnly. 



' I don't think it could be done. Sir,' replied 

 Squeers, as if he had never considered the propo- 

 sition before. ' Let me see : four fives is twenty, 

 double that, and deduct the — well, a pound either 

 way shall not stand betwixt us. Y'ou must recom- 

 mend me to your connection, Sir, and make it up 

 that way.' 



' They are not great eaters,' said Mr Snawley. 

 ' Oh ! that doesii't matter at all,' replied Squeers. 

 'We don't consider the boys' appetites at our 

 establishment.' This was strictly true ; they did 

 not. 



'I should wish their morals to be particularly 

 attended to,' said Mr Snawley. 



' I am glad of that. Sir,' replied the schoolmaster, 

 drawing himself up. ' They have come to the right 

 shop for morals, Sir.' 



' You are a moral man yourself,' said Mr Snaw- 

 ley. 



' I rather believe I am, Sir,' replied Squeers. 

 ' I have the satisfaction to know you are. Sir,' 

 said Mr Snawley. 'I asked one of your referen- 

 ces, and he said you were pious.' 



' Well, Sir, I hope I am a little in tliat way,' re- 

 plied Squeers. 



' I hope I am also,' rejoined the otlier. ' Could I 

 say a few words with you in the next box .'' 



' By all means,' rejoined Squeers, with a grin. 

 'My dears, will you speak to your new playfellow 

 a minute or two ? That is one of my boys. Sir. — 

 Belling his name is, — a Taunton boy that. Sir.' 



'Is he indeed?' replied Mr Snawley, looking at 

 the poor little urchin as if he were some extraordi- 

 nary natural curiosity. 



' He goes down with me to-morrow. Sir,' said 

 Squeers. ' That's his luggage that he is sitting 

 upon now. Each boy is required to bring, vSir, two 

 suits of clothes, sLx shirts, six pair of stockings, 

 two night-caps, two pocket-handkerchiefs, two pair 

 of shoes, two hats, and a rrzor.' 



'A razor!' exclaimed Mr Snawley, as they 

 walked in the ne.xt box. 'What for ?' 



' To shave M-ilh,' replied Squeers, in a slow and 

 measured tone. 



There was not much in these three words, hut 

 there must have been something in the manner in 

 which they were said, to attract attention, for the 

 schoolmaster and his companion looked steadily at 

 each other for a few seconds, liiid then exchanged 

 a very meaning smile. 



' Up to what age do you keep boys at your school 

 then ?' he asked at length. 



' Just as long as their friends make the quarterly 

 payments to my agent in town, or until such time 

 as they run away,' replied Squeers, 'Let us un- 

 derstand each other ; I see we may safely do so. 

 What are these boys ; — natural children ?' 



' No,' rejoined Snawley, meeting tiie gaze of the 

 schoolmaster's one eye. ' They an't.' 



'I thought they might be,' said Squeers coolly.- 

 ' We have a good many of them ; that boy's one, 



' Him in the next box,' said Snawley. 



Squeers nodded in the affirmative, and his com- 

 panion took another peep at the boy on the trunk, 

 and turning round again, looked as if he were'quite 

 disappointed to see him so much like other boys, 

 and said he should hardly have thought it 



'He is,' cried Squeers. ' But about those boys 

 of yours ; you wanted to speak to me ?' 



'Yes,' replied Snawley. 'The fact is, I am not 

 their father, Mr Squeers. I'm only their father-in- 

 law.' 



' Oh !' is that it ?' said the schoolmaster. ' That 

 explains it at once. I was wondering what the 

 devil you were going to send tliem to Y'orkshire 

 for. Ha ! ha ! Oh, I understand now.' 



' You see I have married the mother,' pursued 

 Snawley ; ' it's expensive keeping boys at home, 

 and as she has a little immey in her own right, I 

 am afraid (women are so very foolish, Mr Squeers) 

 that she might be led to squander it on them, which 

 would be their ruin, you know.' 



' I see' returned Squeers, throwing himself back 

 in his chair, and waving his hand. 



'And this,' returned Snawley, 'has made me 

 anxious to put them to some school a good distance 

 off, where there are no holidays — none of tliose 

 ill-judged comings home twice a year tliat unsettle 

 children's minds so — and where they may rough it 

 a little — you comprehend .-" 



' The payments regular, and no questions asked,' 

 said Squeers, nodding his head. 



' That's it, exactly,' rejoined the other. ' Morals 

 strictly attended to, though.' 



'Strictly,' said Squeers. 



' Not too much writing home allowed, I suppose ?' 

 said the father-in-law, hesitating. 



' None, except a circular at Christmas, to say 

 that they never were so happy, and hope they may 

 never be sent for,' rejoined Squeers. 



' Nothing could be better,' said tlic father-in-law, 

 rubbing his hands. 



Names of well known physicians in different 

 parts of the country. 



Dr Graves, 



Dr Coffin, 



Dr Pilsbury, 



Dr Physic, 



Dr Toothaker, 



Dr Slaughter, 



Dr Kilham, pronounced Kill 'em. 

 These titles are enough to frighten a hyjiochon- 

 driac out of life. 



Improved Prospects of Gold Mini.no. — Va- 

 rious accounts havelately been published of an im-' 

 proved smelting process, discovered in Europe, by 

 which not only a saving of expense, but a great in- 

 crease in the amount of metal produced, is effected, 

 (f there is no mistake in these accounts, an important 

 change is about to be effected in the productive- 

 ness of the mines of this precious metal. 



THE NEW ENGL.V>D PAKMER. 



Is pul)lished every VVediiesdav Evcninsr, at S3 per annum, 

 paynlileat the end of the y;ear— l)Ut those who pay withiu^ 

 si.xlydays from the time of sidiscribing are entitled to a de-f. 

 ductioiiof GO cents. 



TUTTLE, DENNETT AND CHISHOLM, PRINTFRS, 

 I n SCHOOL STREET IiOSTO^. 



