336 



NEW ENGL.4ND FARMER, 



APRIL ai, lg39. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 



THE OLD MAID'S FIRST OFFER. 



I must tell you the heart-rendinor stury — I have 

 lontj wished to do so, and the time is at length ar- 

 rived. (Here her voice dropped into a confidential 

 whisper.) Poor dear Major Ogilvie, who is now- 

 dead and gone — heigh ho! — had been long show- 

 ing me marked attention ; — in fact, paying his ad- 

 dresses, though he never made his declarations; 

 when one morning, after having sung me a song 

 of Farinelli's — the mnsic I believe was Gluek's;— 

 ah! you should have heard the Major, he loas such 

 a sweet singer. Well, the doctor had gone out to 

 buy a new invented fish sauce, — poor dear man I 

 he (Les like to have iiis fish well dressed — and I 

 remember he took Franchette, my little beauty of 

 a spaniel, with him, so that the Major and I were 

 all alone in the breakfast parlor, wlien looking be- 

 seechingly in my face, he suddenly went down on 

 one knee before me — all! there was gallantry in 

 those days ! — and taking my hand, which he ten- 

 derly pressed, made a passionate avowal of his 

 love. I felt myself blushing crimson, when, at this 

 agitating moment, just as I was going to utter a 

 palpitating confession of my partiality, my eyes 

 began to twinkle, I felt a tingling in my nose, my 

 mouth opened in spite of myself, and I sneezed'lik'e 

 an explosion of gunpowder, right in liis upturned 

 and imploring face ! Now, do tell me lady Susan, 

 you know how Ircmendoushj I always sneeze, did 

 you cvtr — of all the awkward occurrences ! 



The Major started, as well he might, but recov- 

 ered himse-f— so did I— he gazed at me teuderiy 

 and expectingly, and I was just about to relieve 

 him fom his suspense, when I sneezed with a sec- 

 ond and louder explosion, tliat seemed to shatter 

 the very nrse from my face. 



This was a confusion to me and the Major ; but 

 still holding my imprisoned hand, and looking down- 

 wards, to avoid the shower bath that I was uninten- 

 ionally scattering round me, he swore tliat he nev- 

 er would rise from his knees till I had pronounced 

 hia doom. I uttered a heartfelt sigh, and the soft 

 avowal was just trembling on the tip of my tongue, 

 when.I felt something on tlie tip of my nose! Lady 



Susan — lady Susan— it was beginning to bleed ! 



did you ever !— of all the distressing moments ! 



I struggled to withdraw my hand, that I might 

 get my handkerchief, an action which the Major 

 attributed to coyness, and therefore did but hold it 

 more firmly. In the contest, after frightfully spot- 

 ting my tabbinet silk gown, three very large drops 

 of blood fell upon the Major's wrist! He started 

 up — I closed my eyes and sunk in a chair, over- 

 whelmed wi(h confusion. Supposing I had fainted, 

 the Major hastily seized a large tumbler of water 

 and threw it in my face. At such an unexpected 

 sousing, I screamed with surprise and terror. The 

 Mareschal powder which I wore — I was always 

 famous for my powder — mingling with the water 

 and blood, converted my face into a hideous spec- 

 tacle ; when, just at that moment, the door flew 

 open, and Franchette, thinking her mistress was 

 killed, flew at the poor dear Major, and bit a large 

 mouthful out of his left leg, while the good, horror- 

 stricken doctor suffered the bottle of newly invent- 

 ed fish sauce to fall from his hand and be smashed 

 to pieces on the floor! Now dearest lady Susan! 



consider what nmst have been my feelings! did 



you ever ! — such a scene ! 



Among the exports of the principality of Coburg 

 we find enumerated "sausages and livers of geese." 



The influence of words is incalculable. Men 

 will do that, when it is called by a gentle name, 

 from which they would often shrink if it were cor- 

 rectly and strongly characterized. With this truth 

 in view, it is humbly submitted whether there is not 

 a better term for the act of appropriating funds en- 

 trusted to one's charge, than the sarcenet phrase 

 of "defalcation?" Pistol calls it "to convey," 

 but the ancient is not authority in philological or 

 moral matters ; acid, besides, he had a purpose to 

 serve in smoothing the rough edges of the title of 

 his favorable professional pursuit. Let defalcation 

 be called stealing, an'l let it be punished as steal- 

 ing, and it will not occur quite so frequently. It 

 is known that fine words are useless in one branch 

 of culinary operations ; but in olher respects they 

 may be so used as to cause the superficial to regard 

 crime with a lenient eye, and they have long ena- 

 bled the vicious to flourish without losing caste 



Pennsytvanian. 



The above is not only right humorous, but there 

 is a sagacious propriety in its recommendations. It 

 is too common now a-days to dress up every crime, 

 of every hue, from the red dye of murder to the 

 blue tint of some intemperate brawl, in the garni- 

 ture of soft and dainty words. A desperate bowie- 

 knife encounter, resulting in the death of two or 

 three bravos, is called " a fatal affray," or " an im- 

 proper occurrence," and so on to the end of the 

 cliapter of terms and titles. It is high time to 

 speak no longer of foul doings, in high places or 

 low, in phrases of satin ; call things by their right 

 names— give to the defaulter his cognomen of thief, 

 and let the stain consonant to the name be affixed 

 to the wearer. Let this system be adopted, and in 

 no rank or degree of life in our country could sin 

 so plate itself with gold, as to become invulnerable 

 to the shafts and bolts of public opinion. — Philadel- 

 phia Gazette. 



The following is an extract from the unpublish- 

 ed papers of James Madisom. May the sentiment 

 which it embodies, be deeply impressed on the 

 heart of every American citizen: — 



"Advice to my Country As this advice, if it 



ever see the light, will not do it till I am no more, 

 it may be considered as issuing from the tomb, 

 where truth alone can be respected, and the happi- 

 ness of man alone consulted. It will be entitled, 

 therefore, to whatever weight can be derived from 

 good intentions, and from the experience of one 

 who has served liis country in various stations 

 through a period of forty years — who espoused in 

 his youth, and adhered through life, to thecause of 

 liberty, and who has borne a part in most of the 

 great transactions which will constitute epochs of 

 Its destiny. 



The advice nearest to my heart and deepest in 

 my conviction? is, that the Union of the States 

 be cherished and perpetuated. Let the avowed 

 enemy to it be regarded as Pandora witli her box 

 opened, and the disguised ones the serpent creep- 

 ing- with hi* deadly wiles into paradise." 



Of all the knaves, there is the greatest hope for 

 a cobler, for be he ever so idle, yet when he does 

 anything, he is always mending. 



A merry fellow said the ale-house was the only 

 place to tlirive in, for he had known many a score 

 made there. 



Of the children in the Prussian dominions, be- 

 tween tlie ages of 7 and 14, if is calculated that 

 14-15ths are educated in the public schools. 



WlSiSIIIP'S BRIGHTON >URSERIES, 



Fruil and Ornamental Trees, Shruhs, Cre.ni- 

 ers, Herbaceous, Perennials, Green House- 

 Plants, &c. 

 Orflers addressed to Messrs WINSHIP 

 ~^— -=— , Brighton, Mass., will be promptly eiecule.l' 

 aad lorwarded to any pari of ibis or other countries 

 .April 10. 



FRUIT AND ORiVAMENTAI. TREES, MULBER- 

 RIES diC. 



\ursenj nf miimm Kenrick. 



The Catalogue of hVuit and Ornamental Trees for 1830 is 

 now ready, and will he sent to all who apply. It compn'^. s 

 a most extensive selection of the superior varieties of Pears 

 Apples, Plums, Quinces, Gooselierries, Raspberries Cur 

 rants, Slrawherries, Grape Vines, &c. The slock of'cii.r 

 nes and of Teaches now ready is particularly lar-'e Al- 

 Orn.imental Trees, Shrubs, Roses, Honeysuckles," Psoni. - 

 Dahlias and olher Herbaceous Flowering Plants 



10,000 Cockspur or Newcastle Thorns. 



10,00(1 Buckthorns. 



Moms Multicaulis, and other Mulberries : the trees genu 

 ine and tine, at prices fair, and varying with the size an 1 

 the quantity which may be desired. ' 



Fruit and all other trees, when so ordered, will be securr- 

 ly packed for safe transportatrion to distant places and or- 

 ders promptly executed, on application to the subscriber 



M , 111, M WILLIAM KENRlck. 



Nonantum Mill, Newton, near Boston 



January 30, 1S39. 



PEAR, PLITBI, GRAPE VINES, AC. 



1000 Pear Trees of the most approved kinds- 



lOOOPlumTrees, of themost approved kinds and extra 

 size— many of them have borne the past season • 



500 Quince Trees ; ' 



3000 Isabella and Catawba Grape Vines, from C to 15 feet 

 high, most of them have borne fruit— Ulack Hamburffh 

 Sweetwater, Pond's Seedling; ° ' 



30,000 Giant Asparagus Roi ts ; 



60110 Wilmofs Early Rhubarb or Pie Plant, lately inlro- 

 ducen ; -' 



Also— a good assortment of Gooseberries, Roses &c of 

 ditierent kinds ; i - "» 



All orders left at this office, or with the subscriber at Cam- 

 bridge-port, or in Mr Lynch's baggage wagon box, at Gould 

 &Howe's, No. 8 Faueul Hall, will meet witb immediate 

 attention. SA.MUEL POND 



March 27. Cambridge-po ri,' Mass. 



BOJTE MANIjRE. 



The subscriber informs his friends ami the puhlic that 

 alter ten years experience, he is fully convinced that ground 

 bones lorm the most powerful slimufanl that can be appligd 

 10 the earth as a manure. "^ 



He keeps constantly on hand a supply of Ground Bone, 

 and solicits Ibe patronage ot the agricultural community 

 Prcc at the Mill 35 cents per bushel i put up in casks and de 

 hvered at any pari of the city al 40 cenU per bushel, and no 

 charge lor casks or carting. 



Also, ground Ovster Shells. 



Orders left at the Bone Mill, near Tremont road, in Roi- 

 bury at the New England Agricultural Warehouse and 

 hfei Store, No 52 Xorili Market Street, or through Ihe Post 

 Ultice will receive prompt attention. 

 J^tarch -j?. NAIIUM WARD. 



GRAPE VI.VE.S. 



150 Sweet Water Grape Vines. 

 200 Isabella, " " 



160 Catawba, " " 



100 Black Hamburg Grape Vines. 

 1000 Asparasus Roots. 

 100 Early VVilmot Rhubarb Roots. 

 200 Common " " 



ALso-Slrawberry Plants of the following choice kinds : 

 Methven Castle Bath Scarlet Hautbois, English Wood, 

 Monthly, &c. Raspberries, Franconia White and Red 

 Gooseberries— Currants- Flowering Shrubs and Plants of 

 all kinds supplied at short notice, by 



JOSEPH BRECK & CO 

 Aprd 10. 51 and 52 Norlh Market Street 



■ A Bl LI, WANTED. 



Wanted a ynung Bull, of the short horned Durham breed 



old enougu to be used the present season Apply lo ' 



April 10. JOSEPH BRECK .t CO. 



THE NEW ENGI.A>D PARMER ~~" 



Is pubiished every Wednesday Evening, at 83 per ann'ini 

 payable al the end of the year— but those who pay willr.n 

 sixty days from the time of subscribing are entitled to a de- 

 duction of 5B cents. 



TUTTLE, DENNETT AND CHISH0I.M, PRINTBRi, 



n SCUOOl, BTRISIT BOSTON 



