S4 A Sportsman at Large 



I was " in my teens." The consequence was that my examina- 

 tion papers were by no means up to the mark ; whilst I was 

 mentally paralysed when I faced the mighty " Head " (the 

 Rev. Theobald Butler) for the viva voce test. I could not take 

 my mind off the remarkable resemblance of the examiner to 

 the counterfeit presentments of Jesus of Nazareth, as depicted 

 throughout the ages. 



At last it was finished, and I awaited judgment with fear 

 and trembling. 



" Lit-tel boy," began the great and fearsome man, in his 

 curious, cooing voice, " I have decided to pass you into the 

 school, because you have reached the age limit for entrance, 

 and you would not have another chance ; but it is more as 

 an act of grace than because of any sign of intrinsic merit 

 which you have displayed. If your dear parents inquire where 

 you have been placed, say the Third Form : It is the lowest 

 in the school ! " 



Of a truth it was not only the lowest in the school, but 

 was a veritable home for lost dogs of the most hopeless kind. 

 There were only two other unfortunates so branded with 

 utter incompetence. One was George Capell, who afterwards 

 succeeded to the Earldom of Essex, and Charlie Blacklock, who 

 ultimately reaped a considerable fortune through the publica- 

 tion of that wonderful but rather intricate vade mecum, 

 "Bradshaw's Guide." The first-named greatly distinguished 

 himself by establishing a record, as he came out bottom of the 

 school for three terms running; whilst Charlie (with whom 

 in after years I fraternized on the plains of Altcar) remained 

 in the select coterie, as proxime accessit, or runner-up, for the 

 wooden spoon, until advised to quit as a hopeless dunce. 



It was not so with your Uncle Cockie, however ; for it soon 

 became evident that his private trial was all wrong and that 

 Dr. Butler had not formed an accurate estimate of his true 

 form. 



As " The Third " was so numerically and mentally weak, 

 it did its work with " The Third-Fourth; " consequently the 

 combined " field " numbered some two dozen boys. I was 

 determined to wipe out the insult imposed upon me by in- 

 clusion with the aforesaid George and Charles, so I became 



