42 A Sportsman at Large 



" Lit-tel boy, you must be prepared to meet with the rough 

 as well as the smooth ; but you must bear yourself meekly 

 and reverently towards your schoolfellows, especially if they 

 are older and stronger than yourself. I remember when I 

 first went to school, a great big bully of a boy produced a 

 sharp pen-knife, which he drove into a certain tender portion 

 of my anatomy, exclaiming, ' Take that, you lit-tel . . . 

 something ! ' " 



Eventually Dr. Theobald Butler was appointed Master of 

 Trinity College, Cambridge. This was shortly after I had 

 gone down. 



A certain Indian potentate, who had come to Alma Mater 

 and Trinity College for the ostensible purpose of acquiring 

 scholastic distinction, allowed his ambitious activities to 

 wander in another and less reputable direction to wit, an 

 undue admiration for such of the opposite sex, who, for a 

 consideration, were willing to encourage his amorous 

 gymnastics. 



Unfortunately for the dusky philanderer, the matter 

 became a public scandal, so he was invited to interview the 

 Master, who, after reciting a compendium of the backslider's 

 offences, ended his discourse with : 



" Go far back to the Gorgeous East lascivious oriental ! " 



Stet Fortuno Domus ! 



When at Harrow I would gaze out of my bed-sitting-room 

 window across the Weald, to where my beloved home Moat 

 Mount stood high upon the horizon, about six miles distant as 

 the crow flies, but quite nine as that villainous and odoriferous 

 bird would hop. I would, in spirit, find myself in the family 

 circle at late dinner, with The Dads enthroned at the head 

 of the table, The Mums on his right, and other members of 

 the family group ranged around the board. Or I would 

 picture myself, rod or gun in hand, wandering down to the 

 Big Pond, full of hopeful anticipation, or pushing my way 

 through the woodlands in search of such game as I might 

 have the remotest chance of finding. I loved every stick and 

 stone, every tree and every bush in the dear demesne. When 

 the holidays at length came round, and I once more set foot 

 on the sacred soil, I would throw me down and kiss the very 



