xvi FOREWOED 



sented myself again and again as a seeker during 

 four or five years. Among the people who talked 

 to me on the subject was a certain preacher, who 

 was often in our home for some years and who 

 never missed an opportunity of urging me to 

 become a Christian. He was a very zealous man, 

 though probably not very learned or wise. I do 

 not know why I should have come to dread the 

 contact with the man; for his suggestion was in 

 line with all the teaching of those days, and I had 

 not rebelled against it, but rather had striven to 

 realize it. It must have been some instinct, bet- 

 ter than my teaching or my thought, that gave 

 me an aversion to his suggestions, and to him 

 personally an instinct that resented the idea that 

 I was not a Christian. I do not remember that 

 the matter was strongly urged upon me by any 

 other person. So far as my home was concerned, 

 I was treated as though I were a Christian, 

 though this practice was not supported by any 

 doctrinal teaching. In seeking for an experience, 

 I never made the least headway. I can remember 

 the instructions given to me at the altar, that I 

 should repent of my sins not specific sins, but 

 of sin in general. I was taught that I should feel 

 that I was a sinner, and I tried to have a sorrow- 

 ful feeling. But it was of no use. I could not 

 enter into the experience portrayed, and finally, 

 when about eleven or twelve years of age, I be- 

 came discouraged, and for two or three years en- 

 tered into some sinful habits. I thought that I 



