1832-37. UNSUCCESSFUL COMPETITION. 69 



portance than the latter cause, I have the inward delight of 

 knowing that I have acquired an immense mass of knowledge 

 on an important but very little understood subject. And be- 

 sides, there is no goad so piercing as that of disappointed but 

 honourable ambition. I have lingered not, nor wasted time, nor 

 spent any period in vain and needless regrets. I commenced 

 the following day several important works on other subjects, 

 which demand much attention. I have too much to occupy me, 

 too much to do, too much expected from me, too many wild 

 aspiring dreams, to dedicate time to unavailing regrets on a 

 subject which is fixed, which has taught its bitter lesson, and 

 must now go by and give place to higher subjects. So the 

 mystery is explained, though not in the way I hoped to have 

 done. You will pardon, then, all the seeming unkindnesses 

 which that essay made me guilty of, and deem me not acting 

 unbrotherly again if I should work away in quiet solitude at 

 my studies. All students love peace and solitude ; the nurs- 

 lings of hope must be long cherished in secret before they can 

 be given forth full fledged to the eyes of all ; the busy work- 

 ings of the mind, the knotty points, the puzzled understanding, 

 the tortured, racked, mental attention, the new and delightful 

 idea, the original thought, the logical sentence, and the flowing 

 line, are the sorrow and joy sacred to the breast of the student ; 

 the finished work, the wound-up labours, the polished sentence, 

 and the clearly expressed thought, are the property of all who 

 care to regard them. If, then, my dear Mary, I should keep to 

 myself, not from perversity or any wicked cause, but solely from 

 necessity and mental constitution, the thoughts and studies I 

 am busy in pursuing, do not consider me unkind. The end of 

 the working, the consummation of the labours, the elided duties 

 and concluded studies, if they produce anything worthy of at- 

 tention, anything important enough to justify its being sent 

 beyond the studio, to whom shall it more readily and eagerly be 

 given than to you, for I know affection will magnify its beauties, 

 and love pass over its faults. Should you wish to see this essay 

 at Cumbernauld, I shall at once send it, premising that it is a 

 copy in my own handwriting, in a great hurry, through which 

 you will have to wade to find out the drift of the production." 



