1S37-3S. OBSTACLES BOLDLY MET. 141 



" I shall betake myself to the study of practice of physic this 

 summer and next winter, and fit myself for practice when 

 I am set afloat on the world, should such an alternative be my 

 only resort ; but what I have ever felt is, that even although I 

 had no liking for chemistry, I should be most miserable as a 

 practitioner, for I am neither intellectually fitted for discerning 

 the nice shades of disease, in observing and detecting which a 

 physician's sagacity is shown, nor am I morally formed to 

 grapple with the tremendous moral responsibility that in my 

 eyes hangs over my profession, and 1 am physically unequal and 

 averse to the eternal trot of going rounds ; and thus I feel, that 

 if I should practise, all labour at other things is hopeless. But 

 of course none of these are reasons for my staying to burden my 

 father, or making greater claims on his house and purse, and I 

 have too much pride and independence to be beholden to others 

 for a livelihood, when I may make one for myself. I wrote 



Uncle A , at mother's request, to tell him about Catherine, 



and as he has always been very kind to me, I mentioned cau- 

 tiously my wishes regarding chemistry. He writes me back (in 

 a very kind, however, and affectionate letter, in which he asks 

 for you particularly), ' Respecting chemistry, you may find it 

 more pleasing than profitable,' and regarding the future hopes I 

 held out of becoming a lecturer, he says, ' I entertain the idea 

 that it is but a poor profession.' The letter is, let me however 

 say, written in a very kindly spirit, and he adds that I am better 

 qualified than he to judge, and begs me to write him soon. 

 You see what I must expect, and that every moment between 

 this and my final passing I must turn to the best account. I 

 write this neither with morbid feelings towards my profession, 

 or towards those who do not see things as I (and you) do ; they 

 shall only stimulate me to redoubled energy ; and I shall neither 

 mourn nor repine, for I have high hopes, and not unprofitable 

 speculations, and if God grant me health and leisure, my most 

 urgent needs, I shall not despair. All this I write as my apo- 

 logy for giving up the hope of seeing you. I am sure you will 

 agree, and we shall meet the sooner and the more honourably 

 to ourselves, when all the sorrows are past. Don't write, unless 

 your health permits." 



