1840-42. DELIGHTS OF BACHELORHOOD. 259 



make proposals wherever and whenever you see they will be ac- 

 ceptable. I leave the matter entirely in your hands, with im- 

 plicit faith in your good intentions, prudence, and discernment. 

 If an acrostic or a sonnet would help the affair on, it need not 

 be wanted; or a bottle of marking-ink, or bleaching powder 

 might, in this practical age, do more powerful execution. I 

 begin to see no refuge for myself but in a wife. I am at present 

 in love with so many ladies that I can never, by any act of free- 

 will, single out one, and even if I could it would be at the risk 

 of offending a score. But if you were quietly to get me engaged 

 in London, some quiet morning I would be found missing, and 

 reaching London in a noiseless way, could get married, and 

 return. If any lady accused me of ' trifling with her affections ' 

 when I returned with my bride, why, look you, I should assure 

 her she was the lady I wished to marry, but circumstances, 

 which I was under oath not to repeat, had brought about my 

 sad catastrophe. 



" Maggie, Maggie ! see how I rave away at all the old non- 

 sense, as if I were still eighteen. Will marriage, with all its 

 sweets, be half so free and pleasant as dear, delightful bachelor- 

 hood, and no claims, duties, or worldly requirements ? Can I 

 love any woman better, if she made coffee for me every morn- 

 ing, darned my stockings, and knitted me night- caps, than at 

 present I adore more than one wingless angel who does nothing 

 for me, but play and sing to me as long as I desire. 



" I am beginning to discern the goodliness and desirableness 

 of marriage, but still I fear afar off. I confess there seems no 

 other hope for a man than finally getting married. Sometimes, 

 through cloud-curtains of smoke, I see visions of myself and a 

 decent little body of a wife, now boxing my ears, now kissing 

 me, I in the meanwhile submitting patiently to both inflictions. 

 Again, a stately lady, member of the Six Feet Club, passes in 

 awful vision before me, her reticule hanging on one arm and I 

 on the other, looking exceedingly meek. Oh, dear Maggie ! 

 think of that latter dreadful consummation. I awake up from 

 such thoughts in a cold trembling, and determine for the nonce 

 to wash myself free of all womankind, except relations and ser- 

 vants (the latter to be chosen of small dimensions and as ill- 



