118 LIFE OF PROFESSOR HUXLEY CHAP. VI 



These repeated disappointments deepened the fits 

 of depression which constantly assailed him. He 

 was torn by two opposing thoughts. Was it just, 

 was it right, to demand so great a sacrifice from the 

 woman who had entrusted her future to the un- 

 certain chances of his fortunes? Could he ask her 

 to go on offering up the best years of her life to 

 aspirations of his which were possibly chimerical, or 

 perhaps merely selfishness in disguise, which ought 

 to yield to more imperative duties ? Why not clip 

 the wings of Pegasus, and descend to the sober, 

 everyday jog-trot after plain bread and cheese like 

 other plain people? Time after time he almost 

 made up his mind to throw science to the winds ; to 

 emigrate and establish a practice in Sydney ; to try 

 even squatting or storekeeping. And yet he knew 

 only too well that with his temperament no life 

 would bring him the remotest approach to lasting 

 happiness and satisfaction except one that gave 

 scope to his intellectual passion. To yield to the 

 immediate pressure of circumstances was perhaps 

 ignoble, was even more probably a surer road to 

 the loss of happiness for himself and for his wife 

 than the repeated and painful sacrifices of the 

 present. With all this, however, and the more when 

 assured of her entire confidence in his judgment, he 

 could not but feel a sense of remorse that she willingly 

 accepted the sacrifice, and feared that she might have 

 done so rather to gratify his wishes than because 

 reason approved it as the right course to follow. 



