122 LIFE OF PROFESSOR HUXLEY CHAP. VI 



as I can attain in no other way. From being a mere 

 untried fledgling, doubtful whether the wish to fly pro- 

 ceeded from mere presumption or from budding wings, 

 I have now some confidence in well-tried pinions, which 

 have given me rank among the strongest and foremost. 

 I have always felt how difficult it was for you to realise 

 all this how strange it must be to you that though your 

 image remained as bright as ever, new interests and 

 purposes had ranged themselves around it, and though 

 they could claim no pre-eminence, yet demanded their 

 share of my thoughts. I make no apology for this it 

 is man's nature and the necessary influence of circum- 

 stances which will so have ^it ; and depend, however 

 painful our present separation may be, the spectacle of a 

 man who had given up the cherished purpose of his life, 

 the Esau who had sold his birthright for a mess of pottage 

 and with it his self-respect, would before long years were 

 over our heads be infinitely more painful. Depend upon 

 it, the trust which you placed in my hands when I left 

 you to choose for both of us has not been abused. 

 Hemmed in by all sorts of difficulties, my choice was a 

 narrow one, and I was guided more by circumstances 

 than my own free will. Nevertheless the path has shown 

 itself to be a fair one, neither more difficult nor less so than 

 most paths in life in which a man of energy may hope to 

 do much if he believes in himself, and is at peace within. 

 My course in life is taken. I will not leave London 

 I will make myself a name and a position as well as 

 an income by some kind of pursuit connected with science, 

 which is the thing for which nature has fitted me if she 

 has ever fitted any one for anything. Bethink yourself 

 whether you can cast aside all repining and all doubt, 

 and devote yourself in patience and trust to helping me 

 along my path as no one else could. I know what I 

 ask, and the sacrifice I demand, and if this were the 

 time to use false modesty, I should say how little I have 

 to offer in return. . 



