1852 LECTURE AT THE ROYAL INSTITUTION 145 



break down, and then go and hang myself privately. 

 And so you may imagine that I entered the theatre with 

 a very pale face, and a heart beating like a sledge-hammer 

 nineteen to the dozen. For the first five minutes I did 

 not know very clearly what I was about, but by degrees 

 I got possession of myself and of my subject, and did not 

 care for anybody. I have had "golden opinions from all 

 sorts of men " about it, so I suppose I may tell you I have 

 succeeded. I don't think, however, that I ever felt so 

 thoroughly used up in my life as I did for two days 

 afterwards. There is one comfort, I shall never be 

 nervous again about any audience ; but at one's first 

 attempt, to stand in the place of Faraday and such big- 

 wigs might excuse a little weakness. 



The way is clear before me, if my external circum- 

 stances will only allow me to persevere ; but I fully 

 expect that I shall have to give up my dreams. 



Science in England does everything but pay. You 

 may earn praise but not pudding. 



I have helping hands held out to me on all sides, but 

 there is nothing to help me to. Last year I became a 

 candidate for a Professorship at Toronto. I took an 

 infinity of trouble over the thing, and got together a mass 

 of testimonials and recommendations, much better than I 

 had any right to expect. From that time to this I have 

 heard nothing of the business a result for which I care 

 the less, as I believe the chair will be given to a brother 

 of one of the members of the Canadian ministry, who is, 

 I hear, a candidate. Such a qualification as that is, of 

 course, better than all the testimonials in the world. 



I think I told you when I last wrote that I was 

 expecting a grant from Government to publish the chief 

 part of my work, done while away. I am expecting it 

 still. I got tired of waiting the other day and wrote to 

 the Duke of Northumberland, who is at present First 

 Lord of the Admiralty, upon the subject. His Grace has 

 taken the matter up, and I hope now to get it done. 



VOL. I L 



