MR. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR. 31 



soled themselves with the old aphorism-, that there is as " good fish in 

 the sea as ever came out of it," and cast about in search of some one 

 to supply his place at as small cost to themselves as possible. In a 

 place so replete with money and the enterprise of youth, little diffi- 

 culty was anticipated, especially when the old bait of " a name " being 

 all that was wanted, " an ample subscription," to defray all expenses 

 figuring in the background, was held out. 



CHAPTER V. 



MR. WAFFLES. 



Among a host of most meritorious young men — (any of whom would 

 get up behind a bill for five hundred pounds without looking to see 

 that it wasn't a thousand) — among a host of most meritorious young 

 men who made their appearance at Laverick Wells towards the close 

 of Mr. Slocdolager's reign, was Mr. Waffles; a most enterprising 

 youth, just on the verge of arriving of age, and into the possession of 

 a very considerable amount of charming ready money. 



Were it not that a " proud aristocracy," as Sir Robert Peel 

 called them, have shown that they can get over any little deficiency 

 of birth if there is sufficiency of cash, we should have thought it 

 necessary to make the best of Mr Waffles' pedigree, but the tide of 

 of opinion evidently setting the other way, we shall just give it as we 

 had it, and let the proud aristocracy reject him if they like. Mr. 

 Waffles' father, then, was either a great grazier or a brazier — which, 

 we are unable to say, " for a small drop of ink having fallen," not 

 " like dew," but like a black beetle, on the first letter of the word in 

 our correspondent's communication, it may do for either — but in one 

 of which trades he made " a mint of money," and latish on in life mar- 

 ried a lady who hitherto had filled the honourable office of dairy-maid 

 in his house ; she was a fine handsome woman, and a year or two after 

 the birth of this their only child, he departed this life, nearer eighty 

 than seventy, leaving an "inconsolable," &c, who unfortunately con- 

 tracted matrimony with a master pork-butcher, before she got the 

 fine flattering white monument up, causing young Waffles to be 

 claimed for dry-nursing by that expert matron the High Court of 

 Chancery ; who, of course, had him properly educated — where, it is 

 immaterial to relate, as we shall step on till we find him at college. 



Our friend, having proved rather too vivacious for the Oxford 

 Dons, had been recommended to try the effects of the Laverick Wells, 

 or any other waters he liked, and had arrived with a couple of 



