90 mr. sponge's sporting tour. 



the cork in ; but few ever think of keeping the cork of their own con- 

 versation in. See a Frenchman — how light and buoyant he trips into a 

 drawing-room, fresh from the satisfactory scrutiny of the looking-glass, 

 with all the news and jokes, and tittle-tattle of the day, in full bloom ! 

 How sparkling and radiant hejs, with something smart and pleasant 

 to say to every one ! How thoroughly happy and easy he is ; and 

 what a contrast to phlegmatic John Bull, who stands with his great 

 red fists doubled, looking as if he thought whoever spoke to him would 

 be wanting him to endorse a bill of exchange ! But, as we said be- 

 fore, the dread hour before dinner is an awful time in. the country — 

 frightful when there are two hours, and never a subject in common 

 for the company to work upon. Laverick Wells and their mutual 

 acquaintance was all Sponge and Jawleyford's stock-in-trade ; and 

 that was a very small capital to begin upon, for they had been there 

 together too short a time to make much of a purse of conversation. 

 Even the young ladies, with their inquiries after the respective flir- 

 tations — how Miss Sawney and Captain Snubnose were " getting on ? " 

 and whether the rich widow Spankley was likely to bring Sir Tho- 

 mas Greedey to book? — failed to make up a conversation; for 

 Sponge knew little of the ins and outs of these matters, his attention 

 having been more directed to Mr. Waffles than any one else. Still, 

 the mere questions, put in a playful, womanly way, helped the time 

 on, and prevented things coming to that frightful dead-lock of silence, 

 that causes an involuntary inward exclamation of " How am I to get 

 through the time with this man ! " There are people who seem to 

 think that sitting and looking at each other constitutes society. Wo- 

 men have a great advantage over men in the talking way ; they have 

 always something to say. Let a lot of women be huddled together 

 throughout the whole of a livelong day, and they will yet have such 

 a balance of conversation at night, as to render it necessary to con- 

 vert a bed-room into a clearing-house, to get rid of it. Men, how- 

 ever, soon get high and dry, especially before dinner ; and a host 

 ought to be at liberty to read the Biot Act, and disperse them to 

 their bed-rooms, till such times as they wanted to eafe and drink. 



A most scientifically-sounded gong, beginning low, like distant 

 thunder, and gradually increasing its murmur till it filled the whole 

 mansion with its roar, at length relieved all parties from the labour 

 of further efforts ; and, looking at his watch, Jawleyford asked Mrs. 

 Jawleyford, in an innocent, indifferent sort of way, which was Mr. 

 Sponge's room ; though he had been fussing about it not long before, 

 and dusting the portrait of himself, in his green-and-gold yeomanry 

 uniform, with an old pocket-handerchief. 



" The crimson room, my dear," replied the well-drilled Mrs. Jaw- 

 leyford ; and Spigot coming with candles, Jawleyford preceded " Mr. 

 Sponge " up a splendid richly-carved oak staircase, of such gradual 



