204 mr. sponge's sporting tour. 



fixtures ; indeed, there was not a peg to hang up his hat when he 

 entered. This, however, was nothing, and Puff very soon made it into 

 one of the most perfect bachelor residences that ever was seen. Not 

 but that it was a family house, with good nurseries and offices of 

 every description ; but Puff used to take a sort of wicked pleasure 

 in telling the ladies who came trooping over with their daughters, 

 pretending they thought he was from home, and wishing to see the 

 elegant furniture, that there was nothing in the nurseries, which he 

 was going to convert into billiard and smoking rooms. This, and a 

 few similar sallies, earned our friend the reputation of a wit in the 

 country. 



There was a great rush of gentlemen to call upon him ; many of 

 th^e mammas seemed to think that first come would be first served, 

 and sent their husbands over, before he was fairly squatted. Various 

 and contradictory were the accounts they brought home. Men are 

 so stupid at seeing and remembering things. Old Mr. Muddle came 

 back bemused with sherry, declaring that he thought Mr. Puffington 

 was as old as he was (sixty-two), while Mrs. Mousetrap thought he 

 wasn't more than thirty at the outside. She described him as " pain- 

 fully handsome." Mr. Slowan couldn't tell whether the drawing- 

 room furniture was chintz, or damask, or what it was ; indeed, he 

 wasn't sure that he was in the drawing-room at all ; while Mr. Gapes 

 insisted that the carpet was a Turkey carpet, whereas it was a royal 

 cut pile. It might be that the smartness and freshness of everything 

 confused the bucolic minds, little accustomed to wholesale grandeur. 



Mr. Puffington quite eclipsed all the old country families with 

 their " company rooms " and put-away furniture. Then, when he 

 began to grind about the country in his lofty mail-phaeton, with a 

 pair of spanking, high-stepping bays, and a couple of arm-folded, 

 lolling grooms, shedding his cards in return for their calls, there 

 was such a talk, such a commotion as had never been known before. 

 Then, indeed, he was appreciated at his true worth. 



" Mr. Puffington was here the other day," said Mrs. Smirk to 

 Mrs. Smooth, in the well-known " great-cleal-morc-meant-than-said " 

 style. " Oh such a charming man ! Such ease ! such manners ! such 

 knowledge of high life ! " 



Puff had been at his old tricks. He had resuscitated Lord Leg- 

 bail, now Earl of Loosefish ; imported Sir Harry Blueun from some- 

 where Geneva, whither he had retired on marrying his mistress ; 

 and resuscitated Lord Mudlark, who had broken his neck many 

 years before from his tandem in Piccadilly. Whatever was said, 

 Puff always had a duplicate or illustration involving a nobleman. 

 The great names might be rather far-fetched at times, to be sure, but 

 when people are inclined to be pleased, they don't keep putting that 

 and that together to see how they fit, and whether they come na- 

 turally, or are lugged in neck and heels. Puff's talk was very 

 telling. 



