252 



The Weekly Florists' Review* 



Decumbgr 13, 1906. 



THE SIMPLE LIFE 



As it is Led in South America. 



**It does seem to me," remarked the 

 night fireman, who had annexed the only 

 newspaper within reach. ' ' that these 

 tropical hurricanes is getting too com- 

 mon. ' ' 



"I don't know as I'd call 'em com- 

 mon, ' ' observed Jaggs. ' ' Anyway, 

 there's always somethink uncommon 

 about 'em. I knew a dtap down in the 

 Windward Islands as was diggin' yams 

 in his back garden when the hurricane 

 started, and when it was over he was 

 fishin' in twenty-six feet o' water right 

 in the same spot." 



' * I suppose, ' ' remarked Tommy, ' ' that 

 the bottom droppetl out. ' ' 



* ' Nothink o ' the sort, ' ' remarked 

 Jaggs, * ' the water just blew up out o ' 

 the sea; you'd be sur^irised if you was 

 to see a real windstorm. It reminds me 

 o' that place in Kansas where I went 

 to show 'em how to grow roses; a cy- 

 clone come along and blew the artesian 

 well inside out." 



"Jaggs," asked Tommy solemnly, 

 **doe8 an affidavit go with that there 

 cyclone ? ' ' 



"I must say," remarked Jaggs, ig- 

 noring the speaker, ''that them West 

 Indian storms is sometimes a bit awk- 

 ward. That chap I was tellin' you 

 about says to me as he don't mind fishin' 

 in his own garden, but what he did ob- 

 ject to was havin' to chase a cuttlefish 

 out o' the kitchen when the water went 

 down." 



"That was a bit sing'Iar, " remarked 

 Tommy. "But why not try kindness on 

 the cuttlefish, instead o' chivyin' the 

 poor beast off o' the premises?" 



"Because kindness and cuttlefish 

 don't jibe," remarked Jaggs, firmly, 

 "though I did know a chap in the 

 China Seas as thought he could train 

 cuttlefish for divin' in the pearl trade." 



"And what happened to him?" asked 

 the young man from the agricultural 

 college. 



"He got into trouble with the pearl 

 divers' union," said Jaggs, sadly, "and 



'ad to turn all them cultivated cuttle- 

 fish loose after givin' 'em an edication 

 as spoiled 'em. for hanythink else. There 

 was a c(iap at Hongkong as tells me a 

 yarn about seein' a cuttlefish wearin' 

 a bathin' suit, somewheres in the Flores 

 Straits, and I always thought it was one 

 ' that bunch. ' ' 



Jaggs got up to fill Davy's pipe with 

 Tommy's tobacco, and was just settling 

 down to the enjoyment of that com- 

 munistic luxury wlien the telephone bell 

 rang. After a few minutes of polite 

 monologue, in which Jaggs was heard to 

 great advantage, he emerged from the 

 booth, remarking: 



" It 's a lady as wanted a broken 

 wreath, somethink choice, with a dis- 

 count because she's goin' to give us a 

 big decoratin' order, but I gave her the 

 notion of havin' a piller instead. There's 

 a whole bunch o' them callas will be 

 gettin' whiskers if we don't use 'em 

 up pretty soon. ' ' 



"I never see a chap like you for 

 changin ' people 's minds, ' ' remarked 

 Tommy, appreciatively. ' ' I believe, if 

 you 'ad 'arf a chance, you 'd sell a 

 gates ajar to a chap as wanted a wed- 

 din' bouquet! " 



* ' It takes talent to handle a retail 

 trade, ' ' remarked Jaggs, modestly. 

 ' * Some chaps never seems to have any 

 savvy in that line. There was that chap 

 from the Koyal Botanic, as I met when 

 I was shipwrecked up in the Andes — " 



"Ah," remarked Tommy, who was 

 carving weird figures on a home-made 

 briar pipe, ' ' I did hear a chap say as 

 most o' your 'orrible shipwrecks took* 

 place on dry land. ' ' 



' ' Not all of 'em, ' ' remarked Jaggs, 

 indignantly, " there Avasn 't much dry 

 land about that wreck in the South Seas 

 when me and another chap 'ad to live 

 on rain-water and boot-tops for ten days 

 before we was picked up. But when you 

 get mixed up in a Pacific gale with an 

 earthquake and tidal wave on the side, 

 there 's liable to be somethink doin '. ' ' 



"I never was stuck on them tramp 

 steamers along the Pacific coast," began 

 Jaggs. ' ' They was always full o ' cock- 

 roaches for one thing — most as big as 



rats, too — and about the only way a chap 

 could get away from 'em was to fall 

 overboard. Then the crew was always 

 gettin' mixed up in some dinky little 

 sawed-off revolution, and about the first ' 

 thing as 'appened after I went aboard 

 the captain laid out the mate. It was 

 a messy sort of a murder, too, and I 

 told him that if he killed another man 

 in my bunk I'd turn in and do a little 

 pacifyin' myself. The crew didn't like 

 it neither and somehow the captain went 

 overboard the next night. I thought 

 askin ' questions might be a bit awk- 

 ward, and it wasn't my funeral any- 

 ways, so I just says as how the decks 

 gets slippery these dark nights, and lets 

 it go at that." 



"But where it's a question of mur- 

 der," began the night fireman, who was 

 suspected of joining a civic improve- 

 ment association. 



"Well," remarked Jaggs, easily, 

 "there was the mate to begin with, you 

 see, and even a chap as didn't make a 

 specialty of 'orrid murders might slip 

 overboard of a dark night. Still, there 

 we was, short- 'anded, not a chap on 

 board as knew a sextant from a hole in 

 the ground, alone on the ragin' Pacific." 



There was an impressive pause, while 

 Jaggs puffed vigorously at his pipe; even 

 the greenhouse terrier showed symptoms 

 of interest. 



' ' I didn 't pay much attention to the 

 storm at first, ' ' continued Jaggs. ' ' I 

 was too busy dodgin' cockroaches and 

 makin' myself solid with the crew. The 

 first time I was fired out o' my bunk, I 

 thinks it was just a gentle hint from 

 some one as it was time to get up, but 

 the next time, when I come to I was 

 walkin' on the ceilin' like a fly, with 

 everythink loose piled on top o ' me. 

 There wasn't nothink a chap could do 

 except lay low, and sit tight, so I crawled 

 into my bunk the next time it come 

 around and reckoned I was goin' to 

 drown comfortable, anyway. Last thing 

 I notice before I go to sleep the old tub 

 seemed to be actin' just like a fat man 

 steppin' on a banana peel; it ha^t 

 shootin' the chutes faded out o' sight. 



' ' Well, I don 't know how long I was 

 asleep, but when I waked up everythink 

 was calm and peaceful, no jar from the 

 screw nor nothink, and if I 'adn't known 

 it couldn't be, I could swear as I heard 

 birds twitterin' outside. I looked out o' 

 the port-holQ, and all I could see was a 

 chap ridin' a mule, seemed like a mile 

 or so away." 



"I s 'pose you 'd run ashore over 

 night, ' ' suggested Tommy, with a yawn. 



' ' Well, in a manner o ' speakin ' ' ' said 

 Jaggs. ' ' But when I went on deck there 

 wasn't nothink to be seen but mountains 

 and rocks, and a few hard-looMn* citi- 

 zens with striped awnin's over their 

 shoulders, that acted like we was tres- 

 passin'. There wasn't no ocean in sight 

 and I began to think I was just a plain 

 candidate for the foolish house." 



"It sounds probable, don't it?" re- 

 marked the fireman. 



"No, Johnson, it don't," responded 

 Jaggs, firmly. " If I was tryin**" to 'and 

 you chaps a lemon, all I'd 'ave to do 

 would be to tell a yarn as sounded prob- 

 able. That's easy; any chump can do it. 

 But there's lots of things that ain't 

 probable happenin' every day, and this 

 was one of 'em. Come to find out, 

 there 'd been a bloomin * tidal wave along 

 of an earthquake; most o' the real es- 

 tate along the coast dropped out o* sight, 

 and a lot o' the ocean was chucked up 

 in the mountains, with us on top, like a 



