THE WINTER NIGHT 31 1 



giving all sorts of irregular swings backward and for- 

 ward. It is no good trying to take the thing philo- 

 sophically; I cannot deny that the question whether 

 we are to return successful or unsuccessful affects me 

 very deeply. It is quite easy to convince myself with 

 the most incontrovertible reasoning that what really 

 matters is to carry through the expedition, whether 

 successfully or not, and get safe home again. I could 

 not but undertake it ; for my plan was one that I felt 

 must succeed, and therefore it was my duty to try it. 

 Well, if it does not succeed, is that my affair ? I have 

 done my duty, done all that could be done, and can 

 return home with an easy conscience to the quiet hap- 

 piness I have left behind. What can it matter whether 

 chance, or whatever name you like to give it, does or 

 does not allow the plan to succeed and make our names 

 immortal ? The worth of the plan is the same whether 

 chance smiles or frowns upon it. And as to immor- 

 tality, happiness is all we want, and that is not to be 

 had here. 



" I can say all this to myself a thousand times ; I can 

 bring myself to believe honestly that it is all a matter 

 of indifference to me ; but none the less my spirits 

 change like the clouds of heaven according as the wind 

 blows from this direction or from that, or the sound- 

 ings show the depth to be increasing or not, or the 

 observations indicate a northerly or southerly drift. 

 When I think of the many that trust us, think of 



