OUR FACILE MASTERY OF ENGLISH 1 



By F. B. R. Heixems 



After all, the use of English is largely a matter of words; and 

 what are words that we should worship them ? Is there not a fine 

 freedom and fluency in our conversation, our newspapers, our popular 

 magazines and even some of our university publications ? Shall we 

 not be the masters ? Has not Carroll's Humpty Dumpty proved that 

 we can if we will ? 



It will be remembered that our globular friend has just established 

 the position that an unbirthday present is much better than a birthday 

 present. You take one birthday from the three hundred and sixty- 

 five days of the year, and that demonstrates there are three hundred 

 and sixty-four days when you might get unbirthday presents. 



"Certainly," said Alice. 



"And only one for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for you!" 



"I don't know what you mean by glory," Alice said. 



Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. 



"Of course you don't — till I tell you. I meant, 'there's a nice knock-down 

 argument for you !' " 



"But 'glory' doesn't mean 'a nice knock-down argument,'" Alice objected. 



"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in a rather scornful tone, "it 

 means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less." 



"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many 

 different things." 



"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master — that's 

 all." 



Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty 

 Dumpty began again. "They've a temper, some of them— particularly verbs, 

 they're the proudest — adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs — 

 however, / can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what 

 / say!" 



"Would you tell me, please," said Alice, "what that means?" 



■Reprinted from The Forum, Vol. XLVTJI, pp. 321-32, September, 1912, by permission of the editor. 

 S 



