46 UKPUBLISHED LETTERS OF THE 



sympathizing' tenderness, whicli no other person perhaps feels 

 for me, or at least can venture to express. How every particular of 

 our conversation in the journey from Eedruth to Plymouth Dock 

 returns to my mind ! I have reason indeed to remember it — 

 from that time I date my sorrows — we talked too much about 

 Lydia. Her last letter [p. 132, Journal] was to bid me a final 

 farewell, so I must not write to her without her permission ; she 

 wished she might hear by you that I was happy. I am there- 

 fore obliged to say, that God has according to her prayer kept me 

 in peace, and indeed strengthened me unto all patience and 

 long-suffering with joyfulness. At first, like Jonah, I was more 

 grieved at the loss of my gourd, than at the sight of the many 

 perishing Ninevehs all round me ; but now my earthly woes 

 and earthly attachments seem to be absorbing in the vast 

 concern of communicating the gospel to these nations. After 

 this last lesson from God on the vanity of creature love, I feel 

 desirous to be nothing, to have nothing, to ask for nothing, but 

 what he gives. So remarkably and so repeatedly has he 

 bafiled my schemes of earthly comfort, that I am forced at last 

 to believe his determination to be, that I should live in every 

 sense a stranger and pilgrim on the earth. Lydia allows me 

 not the most distant prospect of every seeing her ; and if 

 indeed the supposed indelicacy of her coming out to me is an 

 obstacle that cannot be got over, it is likely indeed to be a 

 lasting separation : for when shall I ever see it lawful to leave 

 my work here for three years, when every hour is unspeakably 

 precious ? I am beginning therefore to form my plans as a 

 person in a state of celibacy, and mean to trouble you no more 

 on what I have been lately writing about so much. However, let 

 be allowed to make one request ; it is that Lydia would at least 

 consider me as she did before, and write as at that time. Perhaps 

 there may be some objection to this request, and therefore I 

 dare not urge it. I say only that by experience I know it will 

 prove an inestimable blessing and comfort to me. If you really 

 wish to have a detailed account of my proceedings, exert your 

 influence in affecting this measure ; for you may be sure, that I 

 shall be disposed to write to her letters long enough, longer than 

 to any other, for this reason among others, that of the three in 

 the world who have most love for me, i.e. Sally, Lydia, and 

 yourself, I believe that, notwithstanding all that has happened, 



