THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SOCIETY 
28J 
far as mere oratory is concerned, to be 
one of those, as was said of anotlier 
speal^er, who depends on his imagination 
for his facts and on his memory for his 
eloquence. 
I was particularly impressed with the 
delicacy of the invitation which I had to 
speak here tonight when Mr. Grosvenor 
told me I might have six minutes. As I 
am known as an after-dinner speaker 
who never uses over four or five minutes, 
I consider that a compliment and an in- 
vitation to extend my remarks. The 
story of the growth of the Society as 
told by the toastmaster touched me 
greatly, because when this Society began 
to grow a very intimate friend of mine 
who resides in New Orleans sent me a 
letter and enclosed in that letter a num- 
ber of postal cards, and asked me to take 
the matter up with the Post-Office De- 
partment. He said a certain organization, 
which he was certain was a fake organi- 
zation, was trying to secure two dollars 
from him under false pretenses. 
I followed with great interest the re- 
marks of the Ambassador from Great 
Britain and the story which he gave 
you of the discovery of the interior of 
South America, in a country where he 
says there are only a few wild bands of 
Indians. I have just read a story of 
that country and am sorry to say those 
Indians are what you would call col- 
lateral cannibals ; their chief food is 
monkey. 
I am glad that I live in an age when 
it is not necessary longer to wander into 
distant regions to learn geography. All 
we have to do now is to sit still in easy 
chairs and our great men bring the world 
before us. Last year I had the great 
pleasure of hearing Admiral Peary lay 
bare the secrets of the North Pole in 
such vivid language and with such per- 
fect satisfaction that I at once gave up 
my desire to visit that locality. A short 
time ago I sat in a comfortable seat in 
a theatre and saw the whole of the 
gorgeous parade of the coronation of 
King George the Fifth, all for the small 
sum of five cents. One week ago to- 
night I went with Professor Nitobe over 
the whole of that beautiful Island of 
Formosa and saw it in all its beauty and 
grandeur, at a smaller sum than five 
cents. So all that we have to do is to 
sit still and let the world come to us. 
Do you know that the first wanderings 
of man, the first geographical explora- 
tions were caused by that universal need, 
food? If man had not needed food he 
would have still been an animal in situ 
and would have never moved from his 
domestic realm. It was the desire for 
food that first led man to wander, and it 
is that same desire that impels most of 
the exploration today. Just as the Am- 
bassador said, we do not go into Brazil 
for the fun of it, but go there to get a 
greater supply of food for mankind. 
However, we only have to sit down 
to a banquet, as here tonight, to have the 
geography of the whole world unfolded 
to us. We have olives from Italy, we 
have tea from Japan, we have coffee 
from Arabia, we have wine from the 
Rhine and the Gironde, we have meat 
from Chicago, we have butter — no, we 
have no butter because the small price 
of five dollars per plate would not permit 
it. But, thanks to Mr. Burleson, we can 
have low-taxed oleomargarine next year. 
And so the whole world passes in re- 
view. I was struck with the delicate 
compliment to me that my name was 
printed right on the program, though 
pronounced wrong. I was pleased with 
the fact that at least one of the dishes 
we have had tonight was safe and sound, 
namely the "sound oysters." I hope that 
is no reflection upon the rest of the pro- 
gram. But even a meal like this is 
nothing but an exploration, and we are 
all on voyages of discovery. 
We sit at a table delightfully spread 
And teeming with good things to eat, 
And daintily finger the cream-tinted bread. 
Just needing to make it complete 
A film of the butter so yellow and sweet, 
Well suited to make every minute 
A dream of delight, and yet while we eat 
We cannot help asking "What's in it?" 
O maj^be this bread contains alum and chalk, 
Or sawdust chopped up very fine, 
Or gypsum in powder about which they talk 
Terra alba just out of the mine ; 
And our faith in the butter is apt to be weak, 
For we haven't a good place to pin it, 
Annatto's so yellow and beef fat so sleek, 
Oh, I wish I could know what is in it ! 
