will constitute wealth and therefore sym- 

 bolize beauty tomorrow? Not voting or 

 owning a firearm, for one thing. These 

 days there's no rich like felon rich, so a 

 sure sign of wealth is a solid prison record 

 and all the nonperks of conviction. The 

 only way you can afford a million-dollar 

 fine, after all, is to steal ten miUion. 



Similarly, a sure sign of wealth is 

 spending $6 million being elected to a po- 

 Utical job that pays only $213 a month. 

 Everyone knows that if it costs that much 

 to get there, something's going on to make 

 it well worth the bucks. 



I'm not as certain about marital records 

 as wealth indicators: will those who have 

 never loved and lost be seen as wealthy, or 

 those who have loved and could afford to 

 lose? A nice combination would be a felon 

 entitled to conjugal visits. 



And to my knowledge, only a handful 

 of people left in America can survive fi- 

 nancially without having written a book, 

 so a limited bibliography will, I predict, 

 soon be accepted as important evidence of 

 beauty: "I have so much money, I didn't 

 need to reveal how my parents mistreated 

 me when I was a kid." 



The most remarkable direction for the 

 future, however, will be homeliness. 

 Beauty has become such an issue in Amer- 

 ica today, such a factor in social and finan- 

 cial success, that the real extravagance of 

 the future will be being ugly. Anyone 

 wealthy enough not to care about being at- 

 tractive will be viewed as attractive for 

 that very reason. I know this sounds pretty 

 convoluted, but take a look at the latest 

 fashion magazines. 1 think I may even be 

 late in my prediction. Homely is in vogue, 

 pretty is passe. 



Sorry, Cindy. Looks like you're out and 

 I'm in! By this time next year you'll be 

 telling your boss down at the laundry how 

 you once shared a dressing room with me. 



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