LIFE OF ELIE METCHNIKOFF 67 



other hand, if I am blindly carried away, it is not likely that 

 I shall listen to reason. 



I did tell you that I had great affection for the B. girls, 

 and it was true. But did I ever tell you that they had the 

 same for me ? You are mistaken in thinking that I did not 

 like LudmUla F6dorovitch at first. I was not in love with 

 her but we were very good friends, and whilst I did not con- 

 sider her as my feminine ideal, I was sure of her absolutely 

 honest, loyal, and kindly^ disposition. The very fact that I 

 knew Ludmilla for a long time before I thought of marrying 

 her, should prove to you that there is some chance of my 

 being neither blind nor partial. 



Her love for me is beyond doubt, as you will see when you 

 know her. 



I also am very fond of her, and that is a solid basis for 

 future happiness. 



Yet I will not answer for it that we shall spend our life 

 like a pair of turtledoves. A rosy, boundless beatitude forms 

 no part of my conception of the distant future. 



Yet I do not see the necessity of waiting till I become a 

 thorough misanthrope, and I am already inclined that way. 



Please do not believe that, if I do not dream of a rosy 

 happiness it is that I feel none at all ; that is not the case ; 

 I am in a happy medium. 



I like Ludmilla and I feel comfortable with her ; but at 

 the same time I preserve the faculty of feeling every trouble 

 and worry in life. I do not at aU think that it is enough 

 to love in order to be happy. Therefore I have begun to take 

 steps to obtain a Professor's chair, and I am very desirous 

 of being successful in that financial operation. 



Soon after that, lie wrote the following letter to his 

 mother : 



Dear Mother — ^In my last letter I had already spoken 

 to you of Ludmilla Fedorovitch. I can now give you infor- 

 mation about her which will surely interest you. 



She is not bad-looking, but that is all. She has fine 

 hair ; her complexion is not pretty. We are about the same 



