i853 HIS DECISION gi 



and deem it only the natural order of things if I can get no 

 further. 



And again in a letter of July 6, 1853 : — 



I know that these three years have inconceivably altered 

 me — that from being an idle man, only too happy to flovif into 

 the humours of the moment, I have become almost unable to 

 exist without active intellectual excitement. I know that in 

 this I find peace and rest such as I can attain in no other way. 

 From being a mere untried fledgling, doubtful whether the wish 

 to fly proceeded from mere presumption or from budding wings, 

 I have now some confidence in well-tried pinions, which have 

 given me rank among the strongest and foremost. I have 

 always felt how difficult it was for you to realise all this — how 

 strange it must be to you that though your image remained as 

 bright as ever, new interests and purposes had ranged themselves 

 around it, and though they could claim no pre-eminence, yet 

 demanded their share of my thoughts. I make no apology for 

 this — it is man's nature and the necessary influence of circum- 

 stances which will so have it ; and depend, however painful our 

 present separation may be, the spectacle of a man who had 

 given up the cherished purpose of his life, the Esau who had 

 sold his birthright for a mess of pottage and with it his self- 

 respect, would before long years were over our heads be infi- 

 nitely more painful. Depend upon it, the trust which you 

 placed in my hands when I left you — to choose for both of us — 

 has not been abused. Hemmed in by all sorts of difficulties, my 

 choice was a narrow one, and I was guided more by circum- 

 stances than my own free will. Nevertheless the path has shown 

 itself to be a fair one, neither more difficult nor less so than 

 most paths in life in which a man of energy may hope to do 

 much if he believes in himself, and is at peace within. 



My course in life is taken. I will not leave London — I ivill 

 make myself a name and a position as well as an income by some 

 kind of pursuit connected with science, which is the thing for 

 which nature has fitted me if she has ever fitted any one for any- 

 thing. Bethink yourself whether you can cast aside all repining 

 and all doubt, and devote yourself in patience and trust to help- 

 ing me along my path as no one else could. I know what I ask, 

 and the sacrifice I demand, and if this were the time to use false 

 modesty, I should say how little I have to offer in return. . . . 



I am full of faults, but I am real and true, and the whole 

 devotion of an earnest soul cannot be overprized. 



