Io6 LIFE OF PROFESSOR HUXLEY chap, vii 



greediness. And yet withal you will smile at my perversity. I 

 have a certain pleasure in overcoming these obstacles, and fight- 

 ing these folks with their own weapons. I do so long to be able 

 to trust men implicitly. I have such a horror of all this literary 

 pettifogging. I could be so content myself, if the necessity of 

 making a position would allow it, to work on anonymously, but 



I see is determined not to let either me or any one else 



rise if he can help it. Let him beware. On my own subjects 

 I am his master, and am quite ready to fight half a dozen 

 dragons. And although he has a bitter pen, I flatter myself that 

 on occasions I can match him in that department also. 



But I was telling you how busy I am. I am getting a 

 memoir ready for the Zoological Society, and working at my 

 lecture for the Royal Institution, which I want to make striking 

 and original, as it is a good opportunity, besides doing a trans- 

 lation now and then for one of the Journals. Besides this, I 

 am working at the British Museum to make a catalogue of some 

 creatures there. All these things take a world of time and 

 labour, and yield next to no direct profit ; but they bring me into 

 contact with all sorts of men, in a very independent position, 

 and I am told, and indeed hope, that something must arise from 

 it. So fair a prospect opens out before me if I can only wait. 

 I am beginning to know what work means, and see how 

 much more may be done by steady, unceasing, and well-directed 

 efforts. I thrive upon it too. I am as well as ever I was in 

 my life, and the more I work the better my temper seems to be. 



April 30, 1852, 11^ P.M. 



I have just returned from giving my lecture * at the Royal 

 Institution, of which I told you in my last letter. 



I had got very nervous about it, and my poor mother's death 

 had greatly upset my plans for working it out. 



It was the first lecture I had ever given in my life, and to 

 what is considered the best audience in London. As nothing 

 ever works up my energies but a high flight, I had chosen a 

 very difficult abstract point, in my view of which I stand almost 

 alone. When I took a glimpse into the theatre and saw it full 

 of faces, I did feel most amazingly uncomfortable. I can now 

 quite understand what it is to be going to be hanged, and noth- 

 ing but the necessity of the case prevented me from running 

 away. 



* "On Animal Individuality," Scientific Memoirs, vol. i. p. 146, cp. 

 88, supra. 



