322 CONFESSIONS OF A BEACHCOMBER 



restrained, and the consequence was in the nature of a 

 disaster. 



Laura's Traits 



Laura was a bad girl. Like Topsy, she acknowledged 

 her naughtiness, but never attempted to reform. A consider- 

 able quantity of milk had disappeared from a jug, and her 

 mistress asked — " You been drink milk, Laura ? " " No, 

 missis, me no drink 'em." But the tell-tale moustache of 

 cream still lingered on her lips. Laura lived in a quiet 

 home, where there were no children, and few dishes to wash. 

 The State Orphanage was not far away, and the children 

 thereof paraded every day on their way to the State school 

 Gazing at the long procession marching two by two Laura, 

 with a far away look in her eyes, said — " Missis. Me no 

 like wash 'em plate belonga these fellas ! " Laura was wont 

 to be sent to Sunday school, where her ways were precise 

 and demure, and where her natural smartness gained her 

 credit, and many good conduct tickets. Once she was 

 overheard at her devotions — " Please, Mr God, make missis 

 strong woman, make missis good woman ! " She was sick, 

 and her mistress insisted upon administering castor oil, but 

 Laura made a fuss. At last her mistress said — " All right, 

 Laura, suppose you no take 'em medicine, I go for doctor." 

 " No, no, missis. Me die meself ! " 



A variety troupe visited the town, and Laura was 

 taken to a performance. Among the " freaks " were General 

 Mite and his consort. Laura came back with this proud 

 boast — " I bin shake hands alonga piccaniny ! " 



Royal Blankets 



Nelly was extravagantly fond of pictures ; anything, from 

 an illustrated advertisement up, pleased her, and when the 

 subject was not very obvious to her she would indifferently 

 gaze lovingly upon it upside down. A pair of fine photographs 

 of King Edward and Queen Alexandra in all the sumptuous- 



