330 CONFESSIONS OF A BEACHCOMBER 



The Ruse that Failed 



Miners in isolated camps where writing paper is not 

 always available, scribble their orders for rations upon 

 hastily torn margins of newspapers. A cute old black 

 fellow named Bill who had frequently been entrusted with 

 such notes and had borne away goods presented a scrap of 

 paper innocent of writing at the store. 



" What ? This from Tom ? " asked the storekeeper 

 naming one of his customers while he ran his eye over the 

 paper. 



" Yowi ! Tom bin make 'em." 



" What this fella talk ? " 



"That fella talk plour; sugar, tea; two stick Derby," 

 and, as a brilliant after thought — "bottle rum ! " 



" All right, by and bye," remarked the storekeeper. 



The old man waited, and when it at last dawned upon 

 him that his dodge for the pledging of Tom's credit had 

 failed, stole away, convinced no doubt that there was some 

 magic in the making of letters that he did not quite 

 comprehend. 



The Big Word ' 



A tracker, known as Billy Williams — who had passed out 

 of the police service after many years of duty during which 

 he had added largely to his burden of original sin and 

 knowledge of English — stole a valuable diamond ring from 

 the landlord of an hotel. Detected, and promptly brought 

 before two justices of the peace, Billy pleaded guilty, and 

 was sentenced to three months' imprisonment. 



While escorting him to the lockup, the officer in charge 

 remarked — "Well, Billy, you lucky fella. You only get 

 three months. I been think you in for a sixer." 



Billy — " By golly, Jack, me bin think me be disqualified 

 for life." 



