MARK TWAIN' 5 SKETCHES. 



fixed it, and gave it a fresh start. It did well now, except that always at ten minutes 

 to ten the hands would shut together like a pair of scissors, and from that time 

 forth they would travel together. The oldest .man in the world could not make 

 head or tail of the time of day by such a watch, and so I went again to have the 

 thing repaired. This person said that the crystal had got bent, and that the main- 

 spring was not straight. He also remarked that part of the works needed half- 

 soling. He made these things all right, and then my timepiece performed unex- 

 ceptionably, save that now and then, after working along quietly for nearly eight 

 hours, everything inside would let go all of a sudden and begin to buzz like a bee, 

 and the hands would straightway begin to spin round and round so fast that their 

 individuality was lost completely, and they simply seemed a delicate, spider's web 

 over the face of the watch. She would reel off the next twenty-four hojurs in 

 six or seven minutes, and then stop with a bang. I went with a heavy heart to one 

 more watchmaker, and looked on while he took her to pieces. Then I prepared 

 to cross-question him rigidly, for this thing was getting serious. The watch had 

 cost two hundred dollars originally, and I seemed to have paid out two or three 

 thousand for repairs. While I waited and looked on I presently recognized in 

 this watchmaker an old acquaintance^a steamboat engineer of other days, and not 

 a good engineer either. He examined all the parts carefully, just as the other 

 ■watchmakers had done, and then delivered his verdict with the same confidence 

 of manner. 



He said — 



" She makes too much steam — you want to hang the monkey-wrench on the 

 safety-valve !" 



I brained him on the spot, and had him buried at my own expense. 



My uncle William (now deceased, alas !) used to say that a good horse was a 

 good horse until it had run away once, and that a good watch was a good watch 

 until the repairers got a chance at it. And he used to wonder what became of 

 all the unsuccessful tinkers', and gunsmiths, and shoemakers, and engineers, and 

 blacksmiths ; but nobody could ever tell him. 



