86 MARK TWAIN'S SKETCHES. 



to take away the stick — for women cannot receive even the most palpably judicious 

 suggestion without arguing it ; that is, married women. 



I replied : 



" Love, it is notorious that pine is the least nutritious wood that a child can eat." 



My wife's hand paused, in the act of taking the stick, and Teturned itself to her 

 lap. She bridled perceptibly, and said : 



" Hubby, you know better than that. You know you do. Doctors all say that 

 the turpentine in pine wood is good for weak back and the kidneys." 



"Ah — I was under a misapprehension. I did not know that the child's kidneys 

 and spine were affected, and that the family physician had recommended — " 



" Who said the child's spine and kidneys were affected 1 " 



" My love, you intimated it." 



" The idea ! I never intimated anything of the kind." 



"Why my dear, it hasn't been two minutes since you said — " 



" Bother what I said ! I don't care what I did say. There isn't any harm in the 

 child's chewing a bit of pine stick if she wants to, and you know it perfectly well. 

 And she s/iall chew it, too. So there, now ! " 



" Say no more, my dear. I now see the force of your reasoning, and I will go 

 and order two or three cords of the best pine wood to-day. No child of mine shall 

 want while I — " 



" O please go along to your office and let me have some peace. A body can never' 

 make the simplest remark but you must take it up and go to arguing and arguing 

 and arguing till you don't know what you are talking about, and you never do." 



" Very well, it shall be as you say. But there is a want of logic in your last 

 remark which — " 



However, she was gone with a flourish before I could finish, and had taken the 

 child with her. That night at dinner she confronted me with a face as white as a 

 sheet : 



"O, Mortimer, there's another! Little Georgie Gordon is taken." 



" Membranous croup .' " 



" Membranous croup." 



" Is there any hope for him ? " 



