I04 MARK TWAIN'S SKETCHES. 



He stopped me there, and dismissed me from his presence — kindly, but firmly. 

 The next day I called on the Secretary of State. 



He said, "Well, sir.?" 



I said, "Your Royal Highness: on or about the loth day of October, 1861, 

 John Wilson Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung county, New Jersey, deceased, 

 contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the 

 sum total of thirty barrels of beef " 



" That will do, sir — that will do ; this office has nothing to do with contracts 

 for beef." 



" I was bowed out. I thought the matter all over, and finally, the following 

 day, I visited the Secretary of the Navy, who said, " Speak quickly, sir ; do not 

 keep me waiting." 



I said, "Your Royal Highness, on or about the loth day of October, 1861, 

 John Wilson Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung county. New Jersey, deceased, 

 contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the 

 sum total of thirty barrels of beef " 



Well, it was as far as I could get. He had nothing to do with beef contracts 

 for General Sherman either. I began to think it was a curious kind of a 

 Government. It looks somewhat as if they wanted to get out of paying for that 

 beef. The following day I went to the Secretary of the Interior. 



I said, "Your Imperial Highness, on or about the loth day of October — " 



" That is sufficient, sir. I have heard of you before. Go, take your infamous 

 beef contract out of this establishment. The Interior Department has nothing 

 whatever to do with subsistence for the army." 



I went away. But I was exasperated now. I said I would haunt them ; I 

 would infest every department of this iniquitous Government till that contract 

 business was settled. I would collect that bill, or fall, as fell my predecessors, 

 trying. I assailed the Postmaster-General ; I besieged the Agricultural Depart- 

 ment ; I waylaid the Speaker of the House of Representatives. They had nothing 

 to do with army contracts for beef. I moved upon the Commissionef of the 

 Patent Office. 



I said, " Your August Excellency, on or about " 



