I08 MASK TWAIN'S SKETCHES. 



" He didn't know anything about the genuineness of your claim." 



" Why didn't the Second tell me? why didn't the Third ? why didn't all those 

 divisions and departments tell me ? " 



" None of them knew. We do things by routine here. You have followed 

 the routine and found out what you wanted to kqow. It is the best way. It is 

 the only way. It is very regular, and very slow, but it is very certain." 



" Yes, certain death. It has been, to the most of our tribe. I begin to feel 

 that I, too, am called. Young man, you love the bright creature yonder with 

 the gentle blue eyes and the steel pens behind her ears — I see it in your soft 

 glances ; you wish to marry her — but you are poor. Here, hold out your hand 

 — here is the beef contract ; go, take her and be happy ! Heaven bless you, my 

 children ! " 



This is all I know about the great beef contract, that has created so much talk 

 in the community. The clerk to whom I bequeathed it died. I know nothing 

 further about the contract, or any one connected with it. I only know that if a 

 man lives long enough he can trace a thing through the Circumlocution Office 

 of Washington, and find out, after much labor and trouble and delay, that which 

 he could have found out on the first day if the business of the Circumlocution 

 Office were as ingeniously systematized as it would be if it were a gr?at private 

 mercantile institution. 



