MY LATE SENATORIAL SECRETARYSHIP. 



I AM not a private secretary to a senator any more, now. I held the berth 

 two months in security and in great cheerfulness of spirit, but my bread 

 began to return from over the waters, then — that is to say, my works came 

 back and revealed themselves. I judged it best to resign. The way of it was 

 this. My employer sent for me one morning tolerably early, and, as soon as I 

 had finished inserting some conundrums clandestinely into his last great speech 

 upon finance, I entered the presence. There was something portentous in his 

 appearance. His cravat was untied, his hair was in a state of disorder, and his 

 countenance bore about it the signs of a suppressed storm. He held a package 

 of letters in his tense grasp, and I knew that the dreaded Pacific mail was in.' 

 He said — " ' 



" I thought you were worthy of confidence.'' ' ' 



I said, " Yes, sir." 



He said, " I gave you a letter from certain of my constituents in the State of, 

 Nevada, asking the establishment of a post-office at Baldwin's Ranch, and told 

 you to answer it, as ingeniously as you could, with arguments which should 

 persuade them that there was no real necessity for an office at that place." 



I felt easier. " Oh, if that is all, sir, I did do that." 



" Yes, you did. I will read your answer, for your own humiliation : • 



" Washington, Nov. 24. ' 

 " ' Messrs. Smith, Jones, and others. , 



" ' Gentlemen : What the mischief do you suppose you want with a post-office at Baldwin's 

 Ranclie ? It would not do you any good. If any letters came there, you couldn't read them, you 

 know ; and, besides, such letters as ought to pass through, with money in them, for other localities, 

 would not be likely to get through, you must perceive at once ; and that would make trouble for us 

 all. No, don't bother about a post-office in your camp. I have your best interests at heart, and 

 feel that it would only be an ornamental folly*. What you want is a liice jail, you know — a nice, sub- 

 stantial jail and a free school. These will be a lasting benefit to you. These will make you really 

 contentedand happy. I wQl move in the matter at once. 



r , " 'Very truly, etc., 



" ' Mark Twain, 

 > I "' For James W. N=:*, U.' S. Senator.' 



" That is the way you answered that letter. Those- people say they will hang me; 



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