MY LATE SENATORIAL SECRETARYSHIP. 151 



" ' Washington, Nov. 27. 



" ' The Hon. Board of Aldermen, etc. 



" ' Gentlemen : George Washington, the revered Father of his Country is dead. His long and 

 brilliant career is closed, alas ! forever. He was greatly respected in this section of the country, 

 and his untimely decease cast a gloom over the whole community. He died on the 14th day of 

 December, 1799. He passed peacefully away from the scene of his honors and his great achieve- 

 ments, the most lamented hero and the best belov-ed that ever earth hath yielded unto Deatii. At 

 such a time as this, you speak of water-lots ! — what a lot was his ! 



" ' What is fame ! Fame is an accident. Sir Isaac Newton discovered an apple falling to the 

 ground — -z. trivial discovery, truly, and one which a million men had made before him — but his 

 parents were influential, and so they tortured that small circumstance into something wonderful, 

 and, lo ! the simple world took up the shout and, in almost the twinkling of an eye, that man was 

 famous. Treasure these thoughts. 



" ' Poesy, sweet poesy, who shall estimate what the world owes to thee ! 



" Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow — 

 And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." 



" Jack and Gill went up the hill 

 To draw a pail of water ; 

 Jack fell down and broke his crown, 

 And Gill came tumbling after." 



For simplicity, elegance of diction, and freedom from immoral tendencies, I regard those two 

 poems in the light of gems. They are suited to all grades of intelligence, to every sphere of life — 

 to the field, to the nursery, to the guild. Especially should no Board of Aldermen be without them. 



" ' Venerable fossils ! write again. Nothing improves one so much as friendly correspondence. 

 Write again — and if there is anything in this memorial of yours that refers to anythin;; in particu- 

 lar, do not be backward about explaining it. We shall always be happy to hear you chirp. 



" ' Very truly, etc. 



" ' Mark Twain, 

 " ' For James W. N**, U. S. Senator. 



" That is an atrocious, a ruinous epistle ! Distraction ! " 



" Well, sir, I am really sorry if there is anything wrong about it — but — but it 

 appears to me to dodge the water-lot question." 



" Dodge the mischief! Oh ! — but never mind. As long as destruction must 

 come now, let it be complete. Let it be complete — let this last of your per- 

 formances, which I am about to read, make a finality of it. I am a ruined man. 

 I had my misgivings when I gave you the the letter from Humboldt, asking 

 that the post route from Indian Gulch to Shakespeare Gap and intermediate 

 points, be changed partly to the old Mormon trail. But I told you it was a 

 delicate question, and warned you to deal with it deftly — to answer it dubiously, 

 and leave them a little in the dark. And your fatal imbecility impelled you to 



