»52 MARK TWAIWS SKETCHES. 



make this disastrous r6ply. I should think you would stop your ears, if you are 

 not dead to all shame : 



" ' WASfflNGTON, Nov. 30. 

 " ' Messrs. Perkins, Wagner, et al. 



" ' Gentlemen : It is a delicate question about this Indian trail, but, handled with proper deft- 

 ness and dubiousness, I doubt not we shall succeed in some measure or otherwise, because the 

 place where the rpute leaves the Lassen Meadows, over beyond where those two Shawnee chiefs, 

 Dilapidated-Vengeance and Biter-of-the-Clouds, were scalped last winter, this being the favorite 

 direction to some, but others preferring something else in consequence of things, the Mormon 

 trail leaving Mosby's at three in the morning, and passing through Jawbone Flat to Blucher, and 

 then down by Jug-Handle, the road passing to the right of it, and naturally leaving it on the right, 

 too, and Dawson's on the left of the trail where it passes to the left of said Dawson's and onward 

 thence to Tomahawk, thus making the route cheaper, easier of access to all who can get- at it, and 

 compassing all the desirable objects so considered by others, and, therefore, conferring the most 

 good upon the greatest number, arid, consequently, I am encouraged to hope we shall. However, 

 1 shall be ready, and happy, to afford you still further information upon the subject, from time to 

 time, as you may desire it and the Post-office Department be enabled to furnish it to me. 



" 'Very, truly, etc. 



" ' Mark Twain, 

 " ' For James W. >!*■*, U. S. Senator.' 



" There — now what do you think of that ? " 



" Well, I don't know, sir. It — well, it appears to me — to be, dubious enough." 



" Du — leave the house! I am a ruined man. Those Humboldt savages never 

 will forgive me for tangling their brains up with this inhuman letter. I have 

 lost the respect of the Methodist Church, the Board of Aldermen——" 



" Well, I haven't anything to say about that, because I may have missed it a 

 little in their cases, but I was too many for the Baldwin's Ranch people, 

 General ! " 



" Leave the house ! Leave it for ever and for ever, too ! " 



I regarded that as a sort of covert intimation that my service could be dis- 

 pensed with, and so I resigned. I never will be a private secretary to a senator 

 again. You can't please that kind' of people. They don't know anything. 

 They can't appreciate a party's efforts. 



