THE TEXAN HUNTRESS. 279 



with my wicked, scornful gibing at everytliing men hold 

 sacred. As to women — " to search the bottom of annoy," 

 and gall, and pain them with the most studied and cruel rail- 

 lery, was an especially pleasant recreation — the enjoyment 

 of which was heightened in the precise ratio of their beauty 

 and wit — or, as I pretended to myself, of their power to 

 deceive and ruin the moral lives of others, as mine had been 

 blasted by them. At last I sickened of such tame amuse- 

 ments. 



I thirsted — my blood was on fire for sterner excitements — I 

 longed to meet death face to face, and look on carnage. It 

 was an anticipated ecstacy of proud and fierce delight — the 

 thought of meeting my detested fellows openly at the weapon's 

 point. I had champed with the social manacles on, over my 

 stifled hate, until endurance was no longer possible. I looked 

 around upon the world for the scenes and circumstances fitted 

 to the gratification of such pleasant humors. Texas was a 

 very paradise of monsters — the vicious, the desperate, the 

 social and civil outlaws of all the world had gathered there. 



Delightful fraternity of devils ! — they were fighting among 

 themselves, fighting with the Mexicans, fighting with the 

 Indians, and for recreation — to keep their hands in — were 

 battling with the wild beasts. Charming existence ! How it 

 attracted me ! how I yearned to participate in its pleasures. 

 I madly severed the few remaining ties, and started for this 

 El Dorado of the ruffian. 



My friends saw me go, I believe, with a mournful sense of 

 relief. Though I had been guilty of no overt outrage against 

 the laws of society, yet my moral presence had become pesti- 

 lential, and they felt that the morbid disease which was 

 withering up my soul, must find its own cure. I found myself 

 in just the element I needed in this country. I met with 

 men capable of all I dared to do — as hard and reckless, as 

 God-defying and man-hating, as could be desired. I felt at 

 home and at ease with such men — we understood each other ! 



