A SMALL MEASURE OF " CHESTNUTS." 



BY LEO C. EVANS. 



A CUFF on the Avrist is worth, two on the ear. 

 Some people are too tight to get tight. 

 A lazy lit is the only perfect fit I ever have. 

 The teeth of time are not false teeth. 



Brewers are so fond of their lager that when they die they have 

 their bier as usual. 



The Universalist preacher is to be avoided, for however sharp we 

 may be he will take us all in. 



Strength, when found in butter, is always misplaced. 



A dandy no matter how thoroughly perfumed, is generally in bad 

 odor. 



An old toper is like a modern steamship inasmuch as he has a 

 water-tight compartmet. 



"The milk of human kindness," even when condensed, is very 

 thin. 



Father Time lives on " tick." 



Love letters should always be written on the dearest paper. 



There are no sweets in family jars. 



When you are traveling, hug shore as much as possible, if you 

 cannot hug shore, hug something more interesting. Hug some- 

 thing more interesting anyhow. 



To what lengths will not fashion lead us ? A few years ago we 

 were padding our shoulders; now we are padding our livers. 



Never despair, ambitious youth, seeking distinction. You may 

 make your mark when you make your will. 



In the world of wit there is a center of gravity. 



When all is lost save honor nothing is lost. 



There are sins that charity cannot cover. 



There are no plumbers in Paradise — and that's why its Paradise. 



Women often Swim out of a sea of trouble in a flood of tears. 



Let us not be good, for the good die young. 



Your dead beat is generally a pretty live fellow. 



One swallow, it is said, does not make a summer; but a good 

 many swallows often make fall. 



