L30 THE LOST JOURNAL. 



finished his trading. I was then entirely dependent on 

 my twenty-seven men, whom I might name Zambesians, 

 for there were two Makololo only, while the rest con- 

 sisted of Barotse, Batoka, Bashubia, and two of the Am- 

 bonda. 



The fever had caused considerable weakness in my own 

 frame, and a strange giddiness when I looked up suddenly 

 to any celestial object, for every thing seemed to rush 

 to the left, and if I did not catch hold of some object 

 I fell heavily on the ground : something resembling a 

 gush of bile along the duct from the liver caused the 

 same fit to occur at night, whenever I turned suddenly 

 round. 



The Makololo now put the question, "In the event of 

 your death, will not the white people blame us for having 

 allowed you to go away into an unhealthy, unknown 

 country of enemies ?" I replied that none of my friends 

 would blame them, because I would leave a book with 

 Sekeletu, to be sent to Mr. Moffat in case I did not return, 

 which would explain to him all that had happened until 

 the time of my departure. The book was a volume of my 

 Journal; and, as I was detained longer than I expected at 

 Loanda, this book, with a letter, was delivered by Sekeletu 

 to a trader, and I have been unable to trace it. I regret 

 this now, as it contained valuable notes on the habits of 

 wild animals, and the request was made in the letter to 

 convey the volume to my family. The prospect of passing 

 away from this fair and beautiful world thus came before 

 me in a pretty plain, matter-of-fact form, and it did seem 

 a serious thing to leave wife and children, — to break up all 

 connection with earth and enter on an untried state of 

 existence; and I find myself in my journal pondering over 

 that fearful migration which lands us in eternity, wonder- 

 ing whether an angel will soothe the fluttering soul, sadly 

 flurried as it must be on entering the spirit-world, and 

 hoping that Jesus might speak but one word of peace, for 

 that would establish in the bosom an everlasting calm. 



