Chap. XIII. THE LOST JOURNAL-REFLECTIONS. 229 



and a strange giddiness when I looked up suddenly to any celes- 

 tial object, for everything seemed to rush to the left, and if I did 

 not catch hold of some object I fell heavily on the ground: 

 something resembling a gush of bile along the duct from the 

 liver caused the same fit to occur at night, whenever I turned 

 suddenly round. 



The Makololo now put the question, " In the event of your 

 death, will not the white people blame us for having allowed 

 you to go away into an unhealthy, unknown country of enemies ?" 

 I replied that none of my friends would blame them, because I 

 would leave a book with Sekeletu, to be sent to Mr. Moffat in 

 case I did not return, which would explain to him all that had 

 happened until the time of my departure. The book was a 

 volume of my Journal ; and, as I was detained longer than I 

 expected at Loanda, this book with a letter was delivered by 

 Sekeletu to a trader, and I have been unable to trace it. I 

 regret this now, as it contained valuable notes on the habits of 

 wild animals, and the request was made in the letter to convey 

 the volume to my family. The prospect of passing away from 

 this fair and beautiful world thus came before me in a pretty 

 plain matter-of-fact form, and it did seem a serious thing to 

 leave wife and children — to break up all connection with earth, 

 and enter on an untried state of existence ; and I find myself in 

 my journal pondering over that fearful migration which lands us 

 in eternity ; wondering whether an angel will soothe the flutter- 

 ing soul, sadly flurried as it must be on entering the spirit world ; 

 and hoping that Jesus might speak but one word of peace, for 

 that would establish in the bosom an everlasting calm. But as 

 I had always believed that, if we serve God at all, it ought to be 

 done in a manly way, I wrote to my brother, commending our 

 little girl to his care, as I was determined to " succeed or perish" 

 in the attempt to open up this part of Africa. The Boers, by 

 taking possession of all my goods, had saved me the trouble of 

 making a will ; and, considering the light heart now left in my 

 bosom, and some faint efforts to perform the duty of Christian 

 forgiveness, I felt that it was better to be the plundered party 

 than one of the plunderers. 



When I committed the waggon and remaining goods to the 

 care of the Makololo, they took all the articles except one box 



