1852-53-] FROM THE CAPE TO L1NYANTI. 139 



usual pouring out his feelings in his Journal, and it is 

 but an act of justice to himself that it should be made 

 known how his thoughts were running, with so bold and 

 difficult an undertaking before him : — 



"28th September 1852. — Am I on my way to die in Sebituane's 

 country 1 Have I seen the end of my wife and children 1 The 

 breaking up of all my connections with earth, leaving this fair and 

 beautiful world, and knowing so little of it 1 I am only learning the 

 alphabet of it yet, and entering on an untried state of existence. 

 Following Him who has entered in before me into the cloud, the veil, 

 the Hades, is a serious prospect. Do we begin again in our new 

 existence to learn much by experience, or have we full powers 1 My 

 soul, whither wilt thou emigrate 1 Where wilt thou lodge the first 

 night after leaving this body ] Will an angel soothe thy flutterings, 

 for sadly flurried wilt thou be in entering upon eternity 1 Oh ! if 

 Jesus speak one word of peace, that will establish in thy breast an ever- 

 lasting calm ! Jesus, fill me with Thy love now, and I beseech 

 Thee, accept me, and use me a little for Thy glory. I have done 

 nothing for Thee yet, and I would like to do something. do, do, 

 I beseech Thee, accept me and my service, and take Thou all the 

 glory. ..." 



" 23d January 1853. — I think much of my poor children. . . ." 

 " 4th February 1853. — I am spared in health, while all the com- 

 pany have been attacked by the fever. If God has accepted my 

 service, then my life is charmed till my work is done. And though I 

 pass through many dangers unscathed while working the work given 

 me to do, when that is finished, some simple thing will give me my 

 quietus. Death is a glorious event to one going to Jesus. Whither 

 does the soul wing its way 1 What does it see first 1 There is 

 something sublime in passing into the second stage of our immortal 

 lives if washed from our sins. But, oh ! to be consigned to ponder 

 over all our sins with memories excited, every scene of our lives held 

 up as in a mirror before our eyes, and we looking at them and waiting 

 for the day of judgment !" 



"17th February. — It is not the encountering of difficulties and 

 dangers in obedience to the promptings of the inward spiritual life, 

 which constitutes tempting of God and Providence ; but the acting 

 without faith, proceeding on our own errands with no previous con- 

 victions of duty, and no prayer for aid and direction." 



" 2 2d May. — I will place no value on anything I have or may 

 possess, except in relation to the kingdom of Christ. If anything will 

 advance the interests of that kingdom, it shall be given away or kept, 

 onl;y as by giving or keeping of it I shall most promote the glory of Him 

 to whom I owe all my hopes in time and eternity. May grace and 

 strength sufficient to enable me to adhere faithfully to this resolution, 



