LIVINGSTONE'S LOST JOURNAL. 21 3 



had finished his trading. I was then entirely dependent 

 on my twenty-seven men, whom I might name Zam- 

 besians, for there were two Makololo only, while the rest 

 consisted of Barotse, Bat oka, Bashubia, and two of the 

 Ambonda. 



The fever had caused considerable weakness in my 

 own frame, and a strange giddiness when I looked up 

 suddenly to any celestial object, for everything seemed 

 to rush to the left, and if I did not catch hold of some 

 object I fell heavily on the ground : something resembling 

 a gush of bile along the duct from the liver caused the 

 same fit to occur at night, whenever I turned suddenly 

 round. 



The Makololo now put the question, " In the event 

 of your death, will not the white people blame us for 

 having allowed you to go away into an unhealthy, un- 

 known country of enemies ? " I replied that none of 

 my friends would blame them, because I would leave a 

 book with Sekeletu, to be sent to Air. Moffat in case I did 

 not return, which would explain to him all that had hap- 

 pened until the time of my departure. The book was 

 a volume of my Journal ; and, as I was detained longer 

 than I expected at Loanda, this book with a letter was 

 delivered by Sekeletu to a trader, and I have been unable 

 to trace it. I regret this now, as it contained valuable 

 notes on the habits of wild animals, and the request 

 was made in the letter to convey the volume to my 

 family. The prospect of passing away from this fair 

 and beautiful world thus came before me in a pretty 

 plain matter-of-fact form, and it did seem a serious thing 

 to leave wife and children — to break up all connection 

 with earth, and enter on an untried state of existence ; 

 and I find myself in my journal pondering over that 

 fearful migration which lands us in eternity ; wondering 

 whether an angel will soothe the fluttering soul, sadly 

 flurried as it must be on entering the spirit world ; 

 and hoping that Jesus might speak but one word of peace,, 

 for that would establish in the bosom an everlasting calm. 

 But as I had always believed that, if we serve God at all,, 

 it ought to be done in a manly way, I wrote to my brother, 

 commending our little girl to his care, as I was determined 

 to "succeed or perish' ' in the attempt to open up this part 

 of Afrioa. The Boers, by taking possession of all my 

 goods, had saved me the trouble of making a will ; and, 



